I'm better.

I'm in dire need of change..

"Forget the past, but remember what it taught you. Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything's okay, hold back the tears and walk away"

I honestly don't know what to do with you anymore. You've hurt me enough, no one has ever hurt me like how you did.. and here you are again, What are you trying to do?? You think it'll be easy like the last 103489107432984723 times?! I thought I can never walk away, I believed and I was able to walk away.

"Women were made from a man's rib. not from his head to be superior, not on his feet to be walked on, but from his side to be equal, from under the arm to be protected, and from next to the heart to be loved."

all those times I embraced you with open arms, after all those times when you treated me like shit, after all those times I found out there was another girl and I dealt with it, after all those times you said those hurtful things to me, after all those times you made me feel like everything was my fault even though I didn't do anything wrong, after all those times I had to sacrifice what I love to do just so you won't get mad, just so we won't fight, just so you won't leave. What gets me the most is that, when we would fight.. you say things to me like you don't care about how I feel. I remember telling you that I'm your girlfriend, not your bitch. NOT THIS TIME. Things don't get handed to you easily, get that in your head. Just the thought about all those things you've put me through, pisses me off. I feel so bad for myself. I know I'm not all that great, but it sucks because I knew.. I knew I deserved so much more.. but no.. since I cared so much, I chose to deal with it everytime. What are you doing nowwwwwww, you told me to leave you alone.. that you're happy and content without me and to stay out of your life. I got that in my head. It made me realize a lot of things, I'm fine now, I'm done with the whole "cyle" shit. Thanks for all those hurtful things you once told me because it made me move forward. It made me feel stronger, it made me realize what's out there. Its funny how you tell people that I'm your girlfriend just so those girls will stay away from you, and we're not even together. But when I actually needed you to tell them that when we were together, you didn't. You couldn't straight up answer the question "What's going on with you and Jena? Are you guys together?" We let it drag for so long, I just played along with it because you thought that was whats best. Its about time, I need my time. I'm content with the things and the people I have in life. I hope you are too. Friendship is what I can give to you. Its not easy this time around, I hope you know that. I hope you know where I'm coming from. It's going to be okay. Things happen for a reason.

Whenever you would tell me that I deserve someone better, I would always tell you not to say that. But I'm starting to realize that maybe you are right, that I do deserve someone better. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate you or anything, its just I don't need this right now from you. I was there for you all those times you needed me, I'm always here if you need me, just not that way.

You text me, telling me how I ignore your texts when you tell me how you feel or when you would remind me about our past. Why should I txt back?What am I supposed to say to that right? I have nothing to say. Stop.

I asked you why are you all of a sudden doing these things and you told me that you never know what to keep in your life til its actually gone. It took 4895734579435 times. You should've realized it sooner. Its okay now though. I'm good. I'm better. I see things clearer now. I'm here... as a friend.