This is interesting.

Name: Jena Taruc
Date: 4/28/2009
Colorgenics Number: 50274163

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You are longing for a little love and tenderness. At present you are feeling very sensitive and need a sympathetic shoulder to lean on. You don't need any further stresses, strains or arguments so take a deep breath and relax.

You don't really give in. You follow your beliefs and ideals to the bitter end. You are the personification of stubbornness and whatever may transpire, right or wrong, you refuse to compromise or make concessions.

You know what you want and you are very dogmatic and demanding - especially in your emotional demands. You have specific ideas and beliefs and if these beliefs are not realised you can become extremely frustrated. You may not be that perfect but you are looking for perfection with the perfect partner.

There is considerable amount of stress present in your life at this time and this is perhaps due to some considerable mental and physical frustration. There are various physical needs that are necessary for your well-being but whatever the reasons - mostly of your own making - your needs are not being fulfilled. We wonder why? You are under the impression that nobody seems to care for you. This predicament is most uncomfortable and it is because of this that you are experiencing far more stress than you feel you can cope with. You need to find a soul mate - someone who truly understands you and whose standards are as high as your own. As matters stand you would like to break away from the vicious cycle that you find yourself entrapped but this is easier said than done. You refuse to compromise with your opinions and essentially you are unable to resolve the situation because you are continually postponing the making of the necessary decision. You are stubborn but this should be no deterrent experiencing a happy life.

You are worn out - suffering from what has been described as 'burnout' and nothing seems to stimulate you to break away from this state of lethargy. This situation is causing an acute distress situation and not being able immediately to resolve the problems is exposing you to excess stress and tension. You are endeavouring to break away from this situation by withdrawing into a state of 'Never Never Land' - an illusory substitute world in which things could be as you would like them to be. Now is the time to take time-out - to relax. A short break is all that you need and you will find that matters will resolve themselves.

Thanks sis for the website. It may be accurate or not, but wow.
This tripped me out when I first read it. And everytime I read this, all I could say is.. wow.

I'm better.

I'm in dire need of change..

"Forget the past, but remember what it taught you. Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything's okay, hold back the tears and walk away"

I honestly don't know what to do with you anymore. You've hurt me enough, no one has ever hurt me like how you did.. and here you are again, What are you trying to do?? You think it'll be easy like the last 103489107432984723 times?! I thought I can never walk away, I believed and I was able to walk away.

"Women were made from a man's rib. not from his head to be superior, not on his feet to be walked on, but from his side to be equal, from under the arm to be protected, and from next to the heart to be loved."

all those times I embraced you with open arms, after all those times when you treated me like shit, after all those times I found out there was another girl and I dealt with it, after all those times you said those hurtful things to me, after all those times you made me feel like everything was my fault even though I didn't do anything wrong, after all those times I had to sacrifice what I love to do just so you won't get mad, just so we won't fight, just so you won't leave. What gets me the most is that, when we would fight.. you say things to me like you don't care about how I feel. I remember telling you that I'm your girlfriend, not your bitch. NOT THIS TIME. Things don't get handed to you easily, get that in your head. Just the thought about all those things you've put me through, pisses me off. I feel so bad for myself. I know I'm not all that great, but it sucks because I knew.. I knew I deserved so much more.. but no.. since I cared so much, I chose to deal with it everytime. What are you doing nowwwwwww, you told me to leave you alone.. that you're happy and content without me and to stay out of your life. I got that in my head. It made me realize a lot of things, I'm fine now, I'm done with the whole "cyle" shit. Thanks for all those hurtful things you once told me because it made me move forward. It made me feel stronger, it made me realize what's out there. Its funny how you tell people that I'm your girlfriend just so those girls will stay away from you, and we're not even together. But when I actually needed you to tell them that when we were together, you didn't. You couldn't straight up answer the question "What's going on with you and Jena? Are you guys together?" We let it drag for so long, I just played along with it because you thought that was whats best. Its about time, I need my time. I'm content with the things and the people I have in life. I hope you are too. Friendship is what I can give to you. Its not easy this time around, I hope you know that. I hope you know where I'm coming from. It's going to be okay. Things happen for a reason.

Whenever you would tell me that I deserve someone better, I would always tell you not to say that. But I'm starting to realize that maybe you are right, that I do deserve someone better. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate you or anything, its just I don't need this right now from you. I was there for you all those times you needed me, I'm always here if you need me, just not that way.

You text me, telling me how I ignore your texts when you tell me how you feel or when you would remind me about our past. Why should I txt back?What am I supposed to say to that right? I have nothing to say. Stop.

I asked you why are you all of a sudden doing these things and you told me that you never know what to keep in your life til its actually gone. It took 4895734579435 times. You should've realized it sooner. Its okay now though. I'm good. I'm better. I see things clearer now. I'm here... as a friend.

He said... She said...

I just recently heard something that has to do with me and this person. Random shit I must say, I didn't really know how to react or what to think of it when I heard it, but the only thing I thought of was "wow, are you serious? they don't even know me or the real story" I know I really have nothing to say about it or explain because I know I'm not doing anything wrong, but I thought I'd just talk about it here.

So hmm, here's the first part of the story. This guy that I was chillin' with as "friends" [as in foreal, just friends..nothing more, or at least to me it was just friends] admitted to me that he likes me about, let's say 2 weeks ago. When he said that to me before him and his friend left, I nodded my head, "oh no.." and he told me "just think about it". The night of preview night before Fusion, he asked me if I thought about what he said to me and I told him straight up what was up. I told him how I'm scared, and how a guy needs to earn my trust. I've been played quite a few times and trust it doesn't feel good at all. I'm not trying to say guys are all the same, but I've had a bad past.. I need change. Someone please! I'm not gonna lie he was a chill guy, but I guess you can say it wasn't really there. I said sorry to him if I ever did anything wrong..and he said "its okay, you didn't do anything wrong. You told me what was up with you and I'm not expecting anything out of it, I just wanted you to know how I feel about you" I was relieved knowing that. So of course, I just made sure since I heard that "something" recently.

So then, let's just say I met this guy at Fusion, hahah funny story. Embarrassing, blah blah blah I was shy, dang it. This guy and I are chill, nawmsayin' ?!

Now get this.. [This is what I heard from my source] She was texting me and asked me what was up with me and this one guy who I met at Fusion. She told me that she heard that some people think I'm talking to the first guy. [Wow people do talk] And recently me and the guy I met at Fusion, well you can say we txt here and there, I mean what's bad about that? He's a chill guy to talk to and stuff. And I guess people are saying I'm gonna play games, FIRST OFF, I'm not that type of person to play games. If anything its the other way around -_- How can I play games when I'm not even talking to anyone? That's the thing that irritates me, people don't know what the real story is and they assume. What's bad about being friends with someone or like plan a day to kick it with him. What's wrong about thinking someone's cute, who doesn't right? HAHAHA Does that mean I'm a bad person all of a sudden? It sucks because I guess now some people have a bad impression, I mean what can I do? That's what they think. I know I shouldn't care but it sucks when its not even true. Oh well.
Yep and people have been asking me about whats up with me and him lately, and two asked me again today at practice.

But yeah, I don't have anything against anyone. If its not true, why care right? They can think whatever they want to think but ME, MYSELF, and I and my friends know what the real deal is. And with this whole situation whatever happens happens like what I always say, things happen for a reason and I guess you can say, I'll embrace it with open arms =] we'll just see what happens yay! lol just hoping it'll be all gooooooooooooooooooood! Oh thank god I am understanding hahahahah

Cutesy, I must say though.

We love and miss you Miko, I still remember

So I'm in the living room by myself, contemplating if I should get up and grab something to eat. I feel lazy though yuck.

So today, or should I say yesterday since its almost 1am.. woke up early to drop my brother off to school, went back home to get ready to go to the cemetery since its Karl "MIKO's" 1 year. Dang this tells me that 08 went by so fast.. its been a year since Miko passed away. I remembered when I got a call from Jesse telling me that he passed away.. I was crying so much, even my parents. The last time my family and I saw him was when he came over to my house and he showed us a presentation. He cooked for us right after, bomb ass sinigang! I had a lot of memories with him that I won't forget. We love you Miko, watch over us. I miss you and your jokes, and your amazing voice, and your usher moves.. mann you are one talented guy. We will never forget you, I miss your sunday morning workouts, our dance moves, you breaking bricks, showing everyone your 6 pack haha, cutting everyone's hair in your garage, listening to you sing and watching you dance, and so much more.. I love and miss you Karl "Miko" Packing.

After I got ready I drove down to La Palma to pick Brian up, chilled for a bit with his mom and left to go to the cemetery. We got there at around12ish in the afternoon [mmhmm we were 1 hour early] We walked back and forth looking for Miko's grave. So knowing me, I would fall asleep anywhere.. I got tired and it was hot, so I decided to sit down and bam next thing you know I was lying on the grass, closed my eyes, and took a lil nap -_- wow.. ridiculous. I called Patrick to ask where exactly Miko's grave was because I couldn't remember. I just love how he pretty much explained where it was, it was so detailed.. "okay jena you enter the gate, make a right and then another right, you'll make a left on the second one. Look for a big bush, there's a trash can with a faucet right infront of it" .. Now get this part of his detailed directions.."face the field and look at your 40 degree angle and you'll see a dinky tree. walk towards it, when you're right next to it, stop and look for a statue..MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A GOOD VIEW OF HIS BUTT in between two big trees" HAHAHAHAH wow right? I was laughing so hard earlier. I guess.. I mean it was a big help, we found it! He told me that was the only way he could explain where it was. After that, I followed Patrick to his house so I can say hi to his brothers, mom, and the rest of his family. I missed them =/ I miss Buena Park. Oh and btw, I had some bomb ass TURON! ahh Patrick's aunt made it, and maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaann orgasm in my mouth! umm TURON I mean! I had to leave before 2 =/ sucks because I wanted to stay and wait for everyone else to come but unfortunately I had to pick my brother up from school and then go to work [I swear its like never ending, I feel restless], so I dropped Brian off and said bye to his parents. Off to the 91 east and 5 south. My contacts were irritating the shit out of me and I started getting teary eyed, while I was driving I'd close my eyes here and there.. which was really bad! Exit Jeffrey, and went to Josh's school right away. I was in such a hurry. Dropped my brother off at church for his community service and then went straight to work. Thank god it wasn't as busy as I thought or pictured it would be. And now, I'm home on a Friday night.. can't sleeeeeeeeeeeeep. I'm trying to, its not quite working yet!

baby sittingggggggg.. bored and sleepy

so I'm babysitting right now here in Crowne Valley. I'm so sleepy -_- I still feel like I haven't gotten enough sleep since I work school CG and UG practice and babysit sometimes. Either I wake up early or get home late yiiikes. Well at least I'm making money =] I need to pay for my caaaaaar. ahhh. Today is like a whatever day. Hopefully it gets better since I have UG practice and it always makes me happy! I'm pretty excited. One practice in a week is not enough.. I wish UG had more practices again! but soon enough, since K-12 dance competition is coming up. Come and support UG =] and I'm stoked about Ultimate Brawl with CG. Dancing is the only thing that makes me happy these days, other than that its more like stress from work school and parents. I just hope things get better soon.. hmmmm. Okay baby Cash is awake now. hahah yes his name is Cash, as in like cash money yess hah! I need to take care of him now, he's so cute and adorable! I enjoy watching over him and his brother Ben =] They're good kids!

Fusion 041909

Wow first of all I just want to say CONGRATULATIONS to all the dance teams out there, and my dance family COMMON GROUND! wooooo for placing 3rd place. This is the first time CG ever placed at Fusion. Its crazy.. my first Fusion and we placed.. its also my UG director, Mama Karen's last fusion.. I'm bummed out about it, but hey.. I guess we can say its a great way to start off newbies year and its also an amazing way to end it for our CG heads who are leaving this year. It finally paid off.. after all the hard work, the hardships that our team went through, the misunderstandings, and how there was a point in time when some of us felt that there is a possibility our Vegas set won't pull through. But wow, we are all in shock. When they announced that CG got 3rd place, to us it felt like we got 1st place.. or even better. Just the fact that they recognized us and all the hard work we put in this set. Everyone was filled with tears of joy. I was crying because I was so happy and just seeing everyone happy! ahh I'm still overwhelmed... someone pinch me! haha. It was so cute and warm getting a big hug from this one person. It was also funny seeing Kriska cry while she was eating her apple =] hahahah! Wow I got to dance with Karen, who I look up to so much.

I've always wanted to be on CG when I first started dancing with UnderGround. Just looking back at everything that happened these past few years.. Fusion 2007 was the first dance competition I ever went to with UG first gen. Now I'm dancing with CG and my first competition with CG was Fusion. Wow I just realized how time went by so fast and how what I've always wished for actually came true.

I'm trying to make the best out of it this year because I don't really know until when I can stay on CG or even be able to dance period..since my parents are on my case about how dance takes up my time and that I'm not concentrating in school. It sucks because they don't quite understand my situation. I've tried explaining it so many times.. filipino parents. I just dislike the fact that my mom doesn't keep her words or our deal. My dad on the other hand, I don't have to worry about.. its weird because filipino dads are supposed to be the strict ones. Not mine.

It might seem crazy, but when my mom straight up told me Fusion was my last competition.. I was crying so much yeah yeah yeah .. what a baby. But I guess its just like that when you love something so much and especially the people who I share that same passion for dance. I just hope and pray that my mom will eventually listen and understand me more. As of now, all I can do is compromise and just deal with it. Here I am trying to figure out ways to make it easier for me and for my team because its not fair if I'm able to leave early while the rest stay till later practicing and working hard..

Hope things will turn out alright. Eventually..

ULTIMATE BRAWL HERE WE COME =]

my baby who will never leave or make me sad! hehe

yay I got the car that I wanted yesterday! hellooooo 2009 Honda Fit sport.. My baby yay! haha =] I didn't even expect it but finally ! okay off to work soon.