Kimmy's Hate Short Poem

I'm at Kimmy's house getting dolled up for UG Banquet yay =]!

"You're a liar, so I'm gonna light your pants on fire.
You make me sick, you're someone I want to kick.
So fuck you, I'm gonna step on you with my shoe =]!!!"
-By KIMMY NGUYEN

HahahahahhHAHAHAHHA ASJFLJSKJD;A!! She's funny and she makes my day! yee =]

Regen

We left for Regeneration 09 on July 17 yee =] I pulled an all nighter the night before. Wow, was up til 5am to pack and then jumped in the shower at 6am. Left to go to church to meet up with everyone at around 7ish. I wasn't really planning on going at first, since I really wanted to perform with The Ground at Beatniks.. but you know what, I don't regret it. I'm actually glad that I picked Regen. It was a refreshing experience for me. God comes first. I admit I wasn't as close with everyone at church compared to now, since I haven't been going to our youth night every friday. But Regen changed everything. I got closer and I got to spend time with my church. We left and headed to San Jose State University. The bus ride was suuuuuuuuuuper long, but fun =] I knocked out most of the time on the way there! hahah and this is what I get..gosh damn, I'm so attractive when I sleep, mouth half open.. hell yeah!
So we played some games on the way there and back home..PING PONG.. I won the first round.. but because of AJ's amazing facials, I lost the second round =[ Damn this bus was cracken.. hahah I didn't know this other side of them. Wow this is what I missed out on this whole time? I'm not going to let it happen again. Once again, thanks to Regen. They're so fun! Clowning on each other, teasing and making fun of everyone, riddles, jokes, doing stupid shit, and what not.. I was tearing up the whole time because of laughing... waaaay too much!

God knows how thankful I am for my church family. Praise Night was a great experience.

Here comes my cutie babies!

I was happy that Ashley was my roomie for the weekend =] Its been how many years since I met this girl because of UnderGround, then I found out we go to the same church!

Camera whored it. Room 617D fsho!
with late night talks and sit ups before we go to sleep. I love this girl.
Met Mark last year at Regen 08!
Two new members of our church, Justine and Katherine..and! Kristine =] I like how they call me Ateh Jena but we're all the same height or they're taller than me =[ lol how saaaaad.

Knowing that they accepted Christ that day was amazing. I look up to these kids and they inspire me so much. I'm really proud of each and everyone of them.

My small group last year! LAMB CHOPS hahah reunited =] Surprisingly there were a lot of dancers at Regen. Nicole from Choreo Cookies, I found out that she was at Fusion! Crazy, I didn't even know she was on Choreo last year. And of course can't forget about Nathalie =]

Also found out that Mike knew Iana and Ray since 2006.. What a small world foreal.

Arian and Nicolle are freakin' comedy, hands down. These two girls made me laugh so much!

Meet my small group girls 09.. Jez, Ivy, and Kapri..missing Stephanie, Ateh Noelle, and Nathalie. Influence 14 =] It was great meeting them and how close we got within those 3 days at SJSU. Wish we had more time though! July 19.

It was an amazing experience for me. This weekend helped me realize so many things about life..I needed this. I learned how to appreciate people around me and the things God has given me. I learned how to accept and deal with things. Thank you God, for who I am back then and for who I am now. You've changed me in so many ways. I've grown from the last time I could even remember.

I can't wait for Regen next year at Biola!

A simple prayer.

Dear God,

Please help me on this one. My heart is beating so fast I don't know why. I was fine earlier, I really was. But its hitting me right now, pretty hard. Damn. I don't know. I'm blanking out.

Why does it seem like everything's on repeat? I know you don't like seeing or putting me in a situation like this. You know I've had enough, God. But I also know everything happens for a reason. So I'll take it, whatever it is. I'm not blaming anyone. I know things change, feelings change. It just sucks because it feels like its too soon. God, this is what I was scared of. Again.

Help him, God. I know he's probably lost. I care for this person even though things aren't going right with us right now. But guide him. And me too.. please. Thank you.

Chill.

Woke up late for class today! ahh.. well at least I was only 5 minutes late, better than being an hour late for class! I'm hoping she didn't take 10 points off please! Class was chill, Lauren, Cody, and I were crackin jokes in class hehe! We got out like 25 minutes early, thank god! He listened to my twitter lol! Went home and waited for Anna at the parking lot, then we headed to Tustin Market Place to get her car vacuumed because she forgot to tell them yesterday. Lucky her, the guy was chill! Headed back home and then.. POOOOOOOL time! The water felt so damn good =] Oh man, my tan got better yes! I love laying out in the sun even though I'm probably super dark already! But it was a good time to just lay down, close my eyes, and think about stuff.
I just want to hear everything. The truth, the reason, or whatever you may call it. Whether its good or bad. I just don't like leaving things like this. As much as I don't like waiting, I still want to hear it. I want to know. But only time can tell. Time.. please be on my side. I hope it doesn't take too long..way too long. It doesn't feel good. This is like the 9845792458th time of me waiting. I feel a little bitter I'm not going to lie. Sorry. Who can blame me though? But I know it's going to be okay. Its always going to be okay. I'm going to take it.. one step at a time.

I hope you're taking good care of yourself.

Game.

"Hey! Wanna play a game?"

"Sure, what is it?"
"The waiting game!"

"What the hell, are you serious..AGAIN?! Naw I don't like that game. I'm sick of it, I played that game too many times."

Uhh something else please? I didn't ask for the same one. Thanks.

Unexpected.

I blog about what's on my mind, about my day, something good or bad that happened, and what not. But right now even though I have so much to say and a lot of things are going through my mind.. i'm blanking out. I don't even know where to start but one thing that I keep thinking about is.."Wow this is so unexpected. I didn't see this coming at all because I felt sincerity from this person. But I'm probably wrong again."

I seriously don't know what to write here this time.

Classes.

Wow I've been blogging a lot lately.

Anyways... Monday Monday Monday. I hate Mondays! I was late for my first class today. An hour late to be exact -_- I walked in the class and everyone was just staring, how embarassing right? RIGHT.

"Did you know that class started at 9?"

"Yes, I slept in" Ehh.. she was nice about it though. Another guy came in the class.. 30 minutes after me lol!

"At least you're not the only one" she's funny hehe!

This class seriously made me think about my classes, what I need, what I should do and what not. I actually felt "determined" so yeah its a good thing. I got home and thats when it hit me even more. I went online to look at classes at IVC that I can take this summer . All of them were full, but I thought its okay because I can always try and petition. But the schedule interferes with my work schedule, I can't do that. I need to work to be able to pay for my car and there's no way I'm asking my parents to help me pay for it. I don't want to. So I remembered that today was the first day to register for Fall classes at OCC, I tried that.. seriously nothing was going right. My account was on hold! I was so frustrated -_- I called Simon.. and I was thankful enough that he listened to me complain about how things were just lasjd;flajsd;fja! Its funny because I haven't really seen or talked to him in awhile but yeah, it was nice knowing that he's always there for me. Afterwards, hmm got watery eyed here and there so I just decided to take a nap so I don't think about it. I was craving for a stog.. yeah that's how bad it was. But I didn't. I got a call from OCC and said that they fixed my account. What a relief.. but it took awhile for them to call me back so the classes I needed to register for were already full.. GREAT.

I've been on my laptop doing the same shit ever since I got home. I've been on IVC's and OCC's website trying to figure out my schedule and what classes to take. I want to be on top of things, no more last minute. To top it off, CG's banquet is coming up.. I'm part of the banquet committee. Sonali and I are in charge of the Newbie pictures and also the whole slideshow. Loretta and I are in charge of the prizes and giveaways. I can't lag, making a slideshow is time consuming.

I want rocky road ice cream.

Bestfriend Talk

"Jena if you fall hard, make sure its worth it. I don't want you to be like me. I gave my everything. I know you've been through so much, now you need someone worth it Jena."

"Last time, you thought about him so much that you forgot about yourself."

"Its good that you feel like this is a good change for you and that you're happy now."

"Think about yourself too. What's right and what's wrong."

"You always want them to be happy, you forget about yourself."

"You're doing this to yourself. Its your decision"

"You have to secure yourself."

There are some things I still don't quite understand. I have so many questions.

Don't you ever feel like you're happy but you still feel a little scared because everything seems to go so well that maybe.. just a MAYBE something bad might happen. Ever thought about who loves who more? who cares for who more? Does that even matter? Sometimes you surprise yourself because you do things you don't usually do just to make a certain someone happy. It makes you happy as well. Who am I kidding, just knowing/hearing/seeing them happy is enough. What is enough when it comes to this situation? Ever wonder if the person thinks about you as much as you think about him/her? Why do you worry? Is it because you feel like the other person is being unfaithful or is it because you care for your special someone. Why do people say "you find the right person at the wrong time" or "you find the wrong person at the right time" why can't it just work out since you know, they feel for one another. Ever wonder why you act different sometimes? You're happy but something hits you, and all of a sudden it brings you down. Why does it take a few more "Are you okay?" till you actually say "yeah" or "no". Are you telling them the truth or are you hiding it from them? Why hesitate? Why do you tell your special someone that you're content with him/her but yet you leave them? Why is it so hard? Why is it confusing? Why do we have to go through it? How do you exactly know who and what is worth it?

There's so much more but I don't want to ask anymore. Its tiring.

One.

*its because I'm learning to care for this person more every single day.

First time..

July 5, 2009

I'll keep track of it.

Crazy Love

My church had a graduation gathering for the Class of 09. It was really nice of them to do that for us. They called our names one by one and gave us two things wrapped with a blue gift wrapper. Its not one of those graduation gifts you'll think of right off the bat when you hear the word "graduation gift". I opened mine...two books. I looked around me and I noticed that we all got 1 different and 1 similar books. Mine was, Crazy Love. You'd think right away its about relationships between two people.. well it is heh. Except the other person is someone who's amazing, great, powerful, almighty. God. I started reading this book a little while ago, it seriously made me think of so many things about life. But when I opened the page to "When You're In Love" it caught my attention..

When you are truly in love, you go to great lengths to be with the one you love.

You'll drive for hours to be together, even if it's only for a short while.

You don't mind staying up late to talk. Walking in the rain is romantic, not annoying.

You'll willingly spend a small fortune on the one you're crazy about. When you are apart from each other, it's painful

even miserable. He or she is all you think about; you jump at any chance to be together.

I wish everyone in this world has that same love or even more for God. Just a personal thought... if we learn how to love God as much or even more like what it says up there... the love and relationship we have with that special someone will be genuine. I believe that every couple should have God in between. Really.

We need God's love and we need to love God in order for us to be able to love others genuinely.

I know people look for someone who they want to fall in love with. They look for someone who they want to care for. Someone to share wonderful things in life with, to talk to, to spend time with, to understand, to experience different things in life with... especially someone to share Love with.

But I think that "that never ending, pure, amazing, unquestionable, honest, true love.. " we'll find in God.

He's the only man out there who can give and make us feel that "type of love", who won't hurt us.. who won't hurt me.