"I didn't think you'd notice me."

I've been waiting for your call since the last time I actually talked to you or the last time I left you that voicemail. Finally, you called a few minutes ago. I'm honestly still in shocked right at this moment. There are so many things going through my head right now. Mixed feelings... I'm really happy to hear from you, surprised about the things you just told me a few minutes ago, bummed out because I'm looking back to things and how it was before, I'm relieved because finally I was able to tell you all those things that I have been keeping in for quite sometime now, I feel down because I'm thinking about what could have been, I feel dumb because I thought we could have been, I'm sad because it never turned out how I pictured it, thankful because you actually had the guts to talk to me about this.

Teary eyed. I appreciate the fact that you said sorry, thank you. I was hoping maybe someday I'd hear you say that... or not even just a sorry, but just something. I have so many questions, so many things I want to say, and so many things I want you to tell me.

I'm blanking out, but I keep thinking.
Sigh... I don't know if this is a sigh of relief or because I'm bummed out =/.

For you,

...I'll save this one when we talk. But.. as of now I want you to know that I still think you're a genuinely good person. I've missed you.

Just a quick update.

So much stuff has happened these past few months and maaaaaan its only March!

December09/January010

- Some shit happened with me and my best friend. It was not worth it at all. Thank God no one can ruin our friendship. Not you or you or you or you you you you. We know better than that. I know better than that, but I really am sorry still.

- Celebrated my bro's bday at Sactown

- Good shit here and there

February010

- CG midyear tryouts. I wasn't planning on trying out again, but I did last minute. I missed that feeling! I did it anyways even though it was a 50/50% chance of me going back on the team because of my mom. I got an interview and they asked me about my whole situation with my mom. Then some of CG's chords were willing to talk to my mom and so they came over my house but that shit did not work -_- Oh well, at least we tried.

- The week after that, Francis asked me again to be his date for TDB installs =) yep! It was fuuuunnnn and I'm glad I went!

March010

- Oh man I don't have much yet, but I can honestly say my march is so far... FUN =)

- Something new to keep me busy and a good way to meet new people. The ones I've meet are honestly fun to be with! We'll see how this goessssss.

New shit.

I need to update this. 

CG withdrawals

So it's hitting me more and more lately how bad I really wanna dance with CG again. Everytime I visit CG and UG it makes me miss it more, especially being around them at practice. I've always wanted to perform at Vibe and this year UG is performing too! I'm so proud of my babies! Reading CG heads' fb status or twitters about practices... Omg!!! I just wanna get out of my house and drive to the structure and dance with them. But see, it's not that easy.. It sucks when you're own mom is stopping you from doing something you love to do cus she thinks that you're not capable of handling school work and dance. But I've done it before... I could do it again. I need to figure out a way my mom will say yes about me dancing.

I miss my ground family a lot. I miss the people I like being around with. I miss doing something I love to do because it simply makes me happy, something I love to do for me.


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Busy Life.

My life is full of SCHOOL and WORK.

School; Monday - Thursday.

Work at Tap; Monday and Wednesday nights. Sometimes Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

Work at Saks; Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

Free time; Homework

Sometimes I don't even feel like going out because I'm so drained from school and work that I just want to sleep. I like being busy though... as much as I complain about how tired I am, at least I get paid and I'm not just sitting my ass around doing nothing. I'm able to buy things that I want, save up money, and pay for my car and disneyland pass hehe =) Now I'm hoping I get to keep my job at Saks! ohhh I hope I hope!

Daaaaamn talk about responsibilities, wheeeewwww! I just gotta hang in there!

Q&...A??

I hate being confused.

I hate not knowing.

I hate being unsure.

I hate how I don't have an exact answer.

I hate how I say I really don't know.

I hate how I don't know.

I hate having to question things.

I hate questioning myself.

I hate questioning other people.

I hate questioning the whole situation.

Why this and why that?!?

Why is it that, I'm having such a hard time with this.

People Say I Move Funny.

I'm thankful to be a part of BK's project for Maxt Out =] Sucks that I'm not able to do CG this year, but at least I'm st

ill dancing somehow.. at least for now. But anyways, we had a photoshoot last Saturday! pretty darn tootin' funnn hehe!

Nick and Casey picked me up aroung 12ish and headed to Spectrum! I wasn't real

ly planning on buying anything, but daaaaaaaaamn.. I love the fact that I came up.. woo for an Obey leather jacket, freakin on sale at Metropark =] loves it! I'm supposed to be saving up, but I knew that if I left the store empty handed I would fee

l guilty and plus, I couldn't let go of the jacket haha! Ate chipotle for lunch mmmm! its 220am and I'm craving it right now -_- Off to Santa Ana for our photoshoot, pretty scary but I mean the location was nice. PICTURES PICTURES PICTURES. After the

photoshoot ate wingstop with Kimmy Nick and Casey.. ohh lemon pepper, so yuummmmy! then off to practice!

Gotta take a shit Nick??

Luz and I are twinsieees =]
Random ass guy passed by and straight up said to Jon "NIgga ya'll should've won!" since he's on Kaba. Pretty funny.. it's one of those "You should've been there" type.
So Qboi.. which one is it?? The girlfriend or the cousin?? I think the cousin! HAHAH, the way you put your hand on his thigh.
This one is my favorite!

RAWR

I'm stoked for practices and especially MAXT OUT on NOVEMBER 1st! COOOOOOOOOOOOOME move funny with us!

TDB Installs 100909.

Francis Maranan asked me to be his date for TDB installs niggaaa! It was full of fun shit =] My morning was full of errands and I had to meet up with a friend of mine to straighten things out that's been buggin her. Went home and got ready. I honestly thought I was running late, but it was these two guys that were hella laggin! They picked me up and headed to the District mall, Ferd got his fiited hats, while Francis got his purple vans. Matching much? I was intrigued by their conversation their "shopping day" for this event on the way back to the car, I thought it was pretty funny and cuuuute! They were worrying more than I was about their outfits and how they look LOL! They're such girls. Ferd dropped Francis and I at his apt and picked up Stephanie. Our car was craaaaaacken btw, you don't need 31349139084 people in the car to have fun! Had our pre-game in the car, knowing my light weight ass, I was hella buzzed before we even walked in the hall.

Walked in and saw my girl, Stina =] wspppppppp! She was my partner in crime the whole night! hahahah drinking, eating, stoggin, laughing, and full of random ass shit! Mhmmmmmmmm OUR TABLE WAS BOMB.

Hella missed this girl!! Last time I saw her was at Patrick's party which was like last year! GET ON MY LEVEL GIRL!

Helloooo to a fun chill bomb ass date, Francis Maranan! Thanks for taking me =]

Everytime I look at this picture it makes me happy, just cause of Stina and the fact that I look tall! haha

Gay guys = Francis, Enriqueleaaaaaaaak, and Nate

I honestly did not expect seeing Jayda and Julie! I tripped the fck out when I saw them.. its been 4 years! WESTERN GIRLS =]

Whatchaaaa know about us bomb ass girls though?! =] I love my girls Stina and Krystal!! They made my night

AND more bommmmmmmmbb ass girls! Can't forget about the mirror pictures!
I cant remember how many times we went back and forth to the bathroom! Especially me and Stina =] hah!
"can you girls' dresses get any shorter?!" YES IT CAN!

and look what we found in the sink!!! a braaaaa! Stina, being the drunk ass girl.. she still washed her hand in that sink ... poor bra got wet! HAH!

FUN night =]
Jena: Who's best fcking daaaaate nigga?!?!

Francis: Jena Taruc!

Ferd&E-man: Woooo!

Horoscope.

"Mercury the Communicator is your ruling planet, so the ending of its retrograde phase is important news for you. If you have been blocked in your forward progress, even by members of your own family, things should begin to loosen up today and will continue to change over the days ahead. Consider the obstacles you've faced these past few weeks and set your intentions today to blast through the resistance and toward your goals."

Twittascope's been on point.. So I hope it stays like this for me for awhile because two weeks ago and before that I was going through shit and lately, things have been pretty chill with me. My mom's been chill and we've been getting along lately. Instead of the whole "NO MORE DANCING" I'm able to go to workshops and I'm on BK's project for Maxt out and I'm so happy about it! I'm looking forward to go to TDB's installs this friday then practice for BK's aaaaaaaannnnnnnnnndd CG Auditions.. I'm bummed out I won't be trying out this year.. but family will always be family =] I LOVE CG UG FAM and I'll be there supporting!

Thank you God for answering my prayers.

Are You Down?

It'll hit me randomly. Its not supposed to be like this.. I'm confused. I don't even know if I should be in the first place.

I tell myself no, but then I can't help it. I'm trying not to, but it doesn't work all the time... -_- ughhhh.

I don't like feeling this way. I'm probably just being stupid... who am I kidding to even think.. asdfghjkl;

Yeah.. when I think about it, it seems ridiculous. But I don't know why I'm feeling like this..

Stop. Stop. Stop??? I don't know.

=/..