one step at a time.

"I didn't think you'd notice me."

2010-03-22T02:30:00.000-07:00

I've been waiting for your call since the last time I actually talked to you or the last time I left you that voicemail. Finally, you called a few minutes ago. I'm honestly still in shocked right at this moment. There are so many things going through my head right now. Mixed feelings... I'm really happy to hear from you, surprised about the things you just told me a few minutes ago, bummed out because I'm looking back to things and how it was before, I'm relieved because finally I was able to tell you all those things that I have been keeping in for quite sometime now, I feel down because I'm thinking about what could have been, I feel dumb because I thought we could have been, I'm sad because it never turned out how I pictured it, thankful because you actually had the guts to talk to me about this.

Teary eyed. I appreciate the fact that you said sorry, thank you. I was hoping maybe someday I'd hear you say that... or not even just a sorry, but just something. I have so many questions, so many things I want to say, and so many things I want you to tell me.

I'm blanking out, but I keep thinking.
Sigh... I don't know if this is a sigh of relief or because I'm bummed out =/.

For you,

...I'll save this one when we talk. But.. as of now I want you to know that I still think you're a genuinely good person. I've missed you.

Just a quick update.

2010-03-06T02:49:00.000-08:00

So much stuff has happened these past few months and maaaaaan its only March!

December09/January010

- Some shit happened with me and my best friend. It was not worth it at all. Thank God no one can ruin our friendship. Not you or you or you or you you you you. We know better than that. I know better than that, but I really am sorry still.

- Celebrated my bro's bday at Sactown

- Good shit here and there

February010

- CG midyear tryouts. I wasn't planning on trying out again, but I did last minute. I missed that feeling! I did it anyways even though it was a 50/50% chance of me going back on the team because of my mom. I got an interview and they asked me about my whole situation with my mom. Then some of CG's chords were willing to talk to my mom and so they came over my house but that shit did not work -_- Oh well, at least we tried.

- The week after that, Francis asked me again to be his date for TDB installs =) yep! It was fuuuunnnn and I'm glad I went!

March010

- Oh man I don't have much yet, but I can honestly say my march is so far... FUN =)

- Something new to keep me busy and a good way to meet new people. The ones I've meet are honestly fun to be with! We'll see how this goessssss.

New shit.

2010-02-08T14:31:00.000-08:00

I need to update this.

CG withdrawals

2010-01-26T10:48:00.001-08:00

So it's hitting me more and more lately how bad I really wanna dance with CG again. Everytime I visit CG and UG it makes me miss it more, especially being around them at practice. I've always wanted to perform at Vibe and this year UG is performing too! I'm so proud of my babies! Reading CG heads' fb status or twitters about practices... Omg!!! I just wanna get out of my house and drive to the structure and dance with them. But see, it's not that easy.. It sucks when you're own mom is stopping you from doing something you love to do cus she thinks that you're not capable of handling school work and dance. But I've done it before... I could do it again. I need to figure out a way my mom will say yes about me dancing.

I miss my ground family a lot. I miss the people I like being around with. I miss doing something I love to do because it simply makes me happy, something I love to do for me.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Busy Life.

2009-11-21T01:20:00.001-08:00

My life is full of SCHOOL and WORK.

School; Monday - Thursday.

Work at Tap; Monday and Wednesday nights. Sometimes Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

Work at Saks; Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

Free time; Homework

Sometimes I don't even feel like going out because I'm so drained from school and work that I just want to sleep. I like being busy though... as much as I complain about how tired I am, at least I get paid and I'm not just sitting my ass around doing nothing. I'm able to buy things that I want, save up money, and pay for my car and disneyland pass hehe =) Now I'm hoping I get to keep my job at Saks! ohhh I hope I hope!

Daaaaamn talk about responsibilities, wheeeewwww! I just gotta hang in there!

Q&...A??

2009-11-16T02:16:00.000-08:00

I hate being confused.

I hate not knowing.

I hate being unsure.

I hate how I don't have an exact answer.

I hate how I say I really don't know.

I hate how I don't know.

I hate having to question things.

I hate questioning myself.

I hate questioning other people.

I hate questioning the whole situation.

Why this and why that?!?

Why is it that, I'm having such a hard time with this.

People Say I Move Funny.

2009-10-22T01:43:00.000-07:00

I'm thankful to be a part of BK's project for Maxt Out =] Sucks that I'm not able to do CG this year, but at least I'm st

ill dancing somehow.. at least for now. But anyways, we had a photoshoot last Saturday! pretty darn tootin' funnn hehe!

Nick and Casey picked me up aroung 12ish and headed to Spectrum! I wasn't real

ly planning on buying anything, but daaaaaaaaamn.. I love the fact that I came up.. woo for an Obey leather jacket, freakin on sale at Metropark =] loves it! I'm supposed to be saving up, but I knew that if I left the store empty handed I would fee

l guilty and plus, I couldn't let go of the jacket haha! Ate chipotle for lunch mmmm! its 220am and I'm craving it right now -_- Off to Santa Ana for our photoshoot, pretty scary but I mean the location was nice. PICTURES PICTURES PICTURES. After the

photoshoot ate wingstop with Kimmy Nick and Casey.. ohh lemon pepper, so yuummmmy! then off to practice!

Gotta take a shit Nick??

Luz and I are twinsieees =]
Random ass guy passed by and straight up said to Jon "NIgga ya'll should've won!" since he's on Kaba. Pretty funny.. it's one of those "You should've been there" type.
So Qboi.. which one is it?? The girlfriend or the cousin?? I think the cousin! HAHAH, the way you put your hand on his thigh.
This one is my favorite!

RAWR

I'm stoked for practices and especially MAXT OUT on NOVEMBER 1st! COOOOOOOOOOOOOME move funny with us!

TDB Installs 100909.

2009-10-21T00:30:00.000-07:00

Francis Maranan asked me to be his date for TDB installs niggaaa! It was full of fun shit =] My morning was full of errands and I had to meet up with a friend of mine to straighten things out that's been buggin her. Went home and got ready. I honestly thought I was running late, but it was these two guys that were hella laggin! They picked me up and headed to the District mall, Ferd got his fiited hats, while Francis got his purple vans. Matching much? I was intrigued by their conversation their "shopping day" for this event on the way back to the car, I thought it was pretty funny and cuuuute! They were worrying more than I was about their outfits and how they look LOL! They're such girls. Ferd dropped Francis and I at his apt and picked up Stephanie. Our car was craaaaaacken btw, you don't need 31349139084 people in the car to have fun! Had our pre-game in the car, knowing my light weight ass, I was hella buzzed before we even walked in the hall.

Walked in and saw my girl, Stina =] wspppppppp! She was my partner in crime the whole night! hahahah drinking, eating, stoggin, laughing, and full of random ass shit! Mhmmmmmmmm OUR TABLE WAS BOMB.

Hella missed this girl!! Last time I saw her was at Patrick's party which was like last year! GET ON MY LEVEL GIRL!

Helloooo to a fun chill bomb ass date, Francis Maranan! Thanks for taking me =]

Everytime I look at this picture it makes me happy, just cause of Stina and the fact that I look tall! haha

Gay guys = Francis, Enriqueleaaaaaaaak, and Nate

I honestly did not expect seeing Jayda and Julie! I tripped the fck out when I saw them.. its been 4 years! WESTERN GIRLS =]

Whatchaaaa know about us bomb ass girls though?! =] I love my girls Stina and Krystal!! They made my night

AND more bommmmmmmmbb ass girls! Can't forget about the mirror pictures!
I cant remember how many times we went back and forth to the bathroom! Especially me and Stina =] hah!
"can you girls' dresses get any shorter?!" YES IT CAN!

and look what we found in the sink!!! a braaaaa! Stina, being the drunk ass girl.. she still washed her hand in that sink ... poor bra got wet! HAH!

FUN night =]
Jena: Who's best fcking daaaaate nigga?!?!

Francis: Jena Taruc!

Ferd&E-man: Woooo!

Horoscope.

2009-09-29T20:19:00.000-07:00

"Mercury the Communicator is your ruling planet, so the ending of its retrograde phase is important news for you. If you have been blocked in your forward progress, even by members of your own family, things should begin to loosen up today and will continue to change over the days ahead. Consider the obstacles you've faced these past few weeks and set your intentions today to blast through the resistance and toward your goals."

Twittascope's been on point.. So I hope it stays like this for me for awhile because two weeks ago and before that I was going through shit and lately, things have been pretty chill with me. My mom's been chill and we've been getting along lately. Instead of the whole "NO MORE DANCING" I'm able to go to workshops and I'm on BK's project for Maxt out and I'm so happy about it! I'm looking forward to go to TDB's installs this friday then practice for BK's aaaaaaaannnnnnnnnndd CG Auditions.. I'm bummed out I won't be trying out this year.. but family will always be family =] I LOVE CG UG FAM and I'll be there supporting!

Thank you God for answering my prayers.

Are You Down?

2009-09-17T01:19:00.001-07:00

It'll hit me randomly. Its not supposed to be like this.. I'm confused. I don't even know if I should be in the first place.

I tell myself no, but then I can't help it. I'm trying not to, but it doesn't work all the time... -_- ughhhh.

I don't like feeling this way. I'm probably just being stupid... who am I kidding to even think.. asdfghjkl;

Yeah.. when I think about it, it seems ridiculous. But I don't know why I'm feeling like this..

Stop. Stop. Stop??? I don't know.

=/..

Maybe, Maybe Not.

2009-09-15T14:05:00.000-07:00

Its been hectic for me lately with work, school, family, friends, and other things that's been on my mind. I've been wanting a break from everything and I actually felt that last night. Its been awhile since I've gone to the lake at 2 in the morning. Thanks to a friend of mine who actually drove to Irvine and forced me to go even though I was so scared -_- lol, but I needed it.

There are some things in life that are unexpected but those ones are always the exciting cute fun shit.

So just a little thought.. maybe I should just stop before I start liking it a little more =/

Lately.

2009-09-03T00:29:00.000-07:00

I haven't been able to blog lately. I miss writing here though. I've been pretty busy and occupied with work and especially school. I'm not about to slack off -_- heh. I've been feeling exhausted and tired. I felt like passing out today while walking to my car after my second class. Then had lunch with Brian. I'm so glad things are okay between us now =] It felt good just telling him all the things he's done wrong to me, and he admitted his faults. I've been keeping everything inside and finally I was able to let it out and had the courage to let him know whats up It took time for me to be able to actually talk to him. But we're on good terms, after all we've known each other since 2006 and we've been friends since then. I hope we can keep our friendship this way. Right after I went home and then I took a nap for a few hours and then I went to work. Got home and I was filled with homework. blaaaaaaaaaaaah!

School's been chill. I love meeting new people. I like being busy. Work is tiring but I need money to pay for my car. I miss dancing =/ I miss performing. My mom has her mood swings. I love my friends... and blah blah blah!

Why even bother.

2009-08-18T03:31:00.001-07:00

Who am I kidding?! I'm just being silly.

Ridiculous.

Oh well.

There's always a first time in everything.

2009-08-17T02:35:00.000-07:00

MY FIRST TIME teaching! Wow. I actually pulled through.

Colette came in at work and asked if I wanted to collab with her and I agreed without even thinking! hahah I'm glad I did because it was fun and a great experience. It felt soooooo damn fcking good dancing earlier, like orgasm all over my body.

first 2 8 counts - Colette [was it really worth it]

second 2 8 counts - Jena [I hope you know that]

third 2 8 counts - Colette [you're gonna see me]

fourth 2 8 counts - Jena [I promise that]

YAY!!!

My escape. I miss this so much..

I want to keep dancing.

Breathe. Stretch. Shake. Let It Go.

2009-08-16T04:39:00.000-07:00

I can't wait to go here tomorrow. Its so pretty and relaxing =]

I need this since I've been thinking about a lot of things.

Survey.

2009-08-14T01:38:00.000-07:00

What's a fact about the last person who had their arms around you?
he's berrrrryyyyy panny!

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
forever 21 yeee

Why were you last grounded?
because of my car accident.

Do you know anyone that smokes weed?
yep

Do your parents force you to go to church or let you make the decision?
they don't have to force me. I go anyways because I love my church =] except, when I'm dead tired and I can't even open my eyes hehe

When it comes to the opposite sex, what's your "type"?
as long as this guy makes me laugh, can carry a conversation, who's down to earth, and has a cute smile then we're good.

Where is the furthest place you've traveled?
philippines

How long does it take you to shower?
about 15-20

If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
I actually don't know right now...

What was for dinner last night?
had some ravioli

Does your ex miss you?
I don't know go ask him.

Does anyone love you?
aww yes =]

How has the week been?
interesting. alright. chill. tiring. fun.

Do you curse in front of your parents?
haha sometimes!

Are you slowly drifting away from someone?
somewhat

What girl can you tell everything to?
Anna and Nat

When a friend walks out of your life, do you go after them or let them go?
It depends.

Have you ever fallen asleep in someone's arms?
yeah

Does anyone hate you?
I don't know.

What did you do today?
work. chilled at home with Jesse and Harry. UG Auditions. chilled.

Does the person you like, like you back?
I don't like anyone, maybe a crush.. but I don't think so.

Have you chewed gum after someone else already has?
omg yeah hahahahah

Have you ever seen your best friend cry?
of course.

Who was the last person to tell you they love you?
Gina Hong

Did anything surprising happen today?
yee

Whose house did you last go to?
Nate's house

Did you go shopping at all today?
nope. I need to stop shopping!

What's the last thing you cooked?
spam? lol

Is your birthday in a winter month?
summer baby =]

Last purchase made?
fries for my brothaaa

Who was the last person you talked to through Myspace message?
too lazy to check

What time are you going to bed tonight?
wow I'm hoping before 5am!

What song are you currently listening to?
Last Sip

How do you know when a friend becomes a best friend?
I could do and say anything infront of them and when I know I can fully trust him/her.

What exactly are you wearing right now?
shorts, tank top

Are you wearing any jewelry?
rings, necklace

Who was the last person you rode in a car with?
Jesse Harry Josh

Last person that made you laugh?
Bam

Did you dance today?

Yes =] Made my day

What does your hair look like right now?
up and its more on my left side hahahah

What do you smell like?
curves lotion mmmmmmmmmmmmmm! so so so good.

When was the last time you saw the person you like?
!!!! this survey sucks dick. hahaha <-- yeah I fcking agree with Anna!!!

Was today better than yesterday?
yes and no

What is today's date?
14

What's the last CD you played in your car?
I don't have any CDs in my car boooooo. I use my ipod.

Is there a DVD in your DVD player?
The Little Rascals =]

Are you using a desktop or laptop?
lappy

Who was the last person that called you?
Bam

Are you male or female?
female

How often do you listen to music?
Like everyday! hah

Random.

2009-08-12T03:01:00.000-07:00

I am up like always. I've been sleeping hella late lately because my sleeping pattern is all fcked up and there are times when I just feel restless. I don't know how its going to be when school starts for me =/ I hate waking up early. Good luck to me.

I love laying on my comfy bed, soft blanket and pillows, windows open because I like the cool breeze at night. Itunes. Phone next to me because I get random txts/calls. I enjoy late night conversations before I go to bed and it somewhat helps me fall asleep. I like the company.

I'm craving some rocky road ice cream right now, but I'm way too lazy to get up and get some.

I've been thinking about drawing lately. I miss it.. especially when I walk in my room and I look at my wall, full of pictures, photographies, and art. Maybe I should.

One thing I hate about night time is that, I have way too much time alone that I think about so much things. Everything's going by so fast, its unbelievable. Time, please slow down.. even just for a bit.

I want to go to the lake, its relaxing and its just really nice.. hopefully one of these days this week.

I'm falling asleep.. I guess I won't be seeing the meteor shower tonight/morning. Wow this is such a random blog.

Btw, I can't believe it. So cute though =p

uh oh.. Got Caught.

2009-08-10T17:52:00.000-07:00

August 3.
The day/night of CG Banquet. I got two signs.. should've seen it coming! But it was so unexpected. It was too soon, I thought I'd be able to hide it for a few more months.

1.)Around afternoonish I was getting ready for the banquet and out of nowhere, my dad came home.. earlier than usual. Thank God I was sitting down and I was able to hide it. I had to wait for him to go in his room for me to be able to run in my room and grab my cardigan.

2.)I haven't seen Toby in awhile ever since he made TM. I didn't know that he was going to stop by at CG banquet. I was having a conversation with Gina and he came and tapped my left back.

"When did you get this?!"

"February of this year and my other one was in August of last year."

"That's really nice! What did you parents say?"

"Oh they don't know, I've been hiding it ever since! My mom's gonna be so pissed if she finds out! Thank God she hasn't though."

I got a call in the middle of Kirk's speech, FCK it was my mom. She asked if I have a tattoo and I denied it, not once but 3 times. She also found out about my other one, I denied it again. But ehh eventually, I thought.. fck it I can't lie anymore so I said.. YES MOM. She flipped a bitch over the phone and started yelling at me. I walked out of the room and started crying =[ lol! What a baby. But I was just so scared. I went up to Nat and told her, since I know she knows how to comfort me and make me feel better. I'm right, her talking and calming me down helped a lot. Tad came out to check up on us and the whole time they were just hugging and comforting me. THANK YOU. They took me home and told me that if my mom does anything to me that they'll be outside waiting and will be willing to take me to their place for the night. I was praying the whole ! I didn't see it coming or for this to happen that night.

Walked in and my mom was waiting for me. She told me to sit next to her. She started yelling and lecturing me about my tat. She started asking questions. She also saw pictures of Anna smoking.. which she didn't like. She just kept going and going. She saw Nat and Tad outside, got even more scared because I thought she'd be pissed that they were outside. But thank God, once again.. she said sorry for having to leave the banquet early to take me home and asked them to come in. Nat told my mom that they just wanted to make sure that I'm okay. From there Nat told my mom about the stuff that I told her when I first got my tat. She told my mom how much my family means to me, she also told her that I'm a good person, how I learn from my mistakes, that I'm understanding and have a good heart, and how I'm mature for my age. Nat put in good words, which got me thinking "Wow this is how Nat sees me" It was really nice to hear and it made me tear up. She had so much to say about me. Thank you Nat, and thank you Tad for being there. This talk not only made my mom accept my decision about getting a tattoo but we were also able to clear some things between us.

Ahhh its so nice not having to hide my tattoo! I like the fact that I could go home,not having to wear T-shirts on a hot weather, or having to carry a sweater or a cardigan! I could go naked in my house for all I care! HAHA.

Prayers do work, I told you.

A.M.- P.M.

2009-08-06T01:00:00.001-07:00

August 4.

I didn't sleep just cus something happened the night before, which was the night of CG Banquet. I was awake and had a nice conversation with someone on the phone till let's say about 4ish. Got ready around 5am and headed to Jesse's house. It was seriously a good morning, even though I didn't get enough sleep. Jesse and I headed to Hawks Point to kill time and to just relax and enjoy the view. We were pretty hyper at 5 in the morning! Hawks Point was really nice sight to see.. Now I wanna see the view at night.

After Hawks Point, I called Emie and asked if she would want to come eat breakfast with us at Denny's! I love my best friends =] since 7th grade yee! Funny thing is, they're not even that close to each other hahaha! Oh well as long as these two get along. Breakfast with them was fun and full of laughter.. like always.

We decided to just kick it at Emie's before we leave for the Airport and before her work! Just watched and chilled. Then off to our separate ways. Emie went to work while Jesse and I decided to stop by Starbucks to get some caffeine in our system. Well what the hell do you know, it worked! On the way to LAX we were straight up laughing the whole time, I mean the WHOLEEE TIME. Singing to some crazy ass filipino songs and dancing in the car to making some weird ugly nastehhhhh noises just to keep each other awake! It was a mission for us to find gate #5.. so dumb because we missed the huge ass sign that says Gate 5 Northwestern! We walked around for a good hour and a half.. looking for my cousin Lucyl, Tita Luz, and my Lola. But eventually we did. On the way home, I gave up and knocked out! I couldn't take it anymore. Poor Jesse LOL!

Thank you for going with me beshhhpren!

Common Ground Banquet 09

2009-08-04T04:02:00.001-07:00

I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to attend our CG Banquet, but luckily things worked out fine and was able to attend. Got ready and I waited for Leo to pick me up. We chilled and talked to kill time before the banquet and mannnnn, there has been a lot of stuff going on. Which tells me that we've been too busy to hang out or even have a phone conversation.. not even a text. Leo's been one of my closest guy friend ever since UG started, damn 2007. I remember how we would always talk about joining CG after UG. How much we wanted to improve and how much passion we have for dance. Lucky him, he's enjoying it. I wish I could too..but things aren't always the same for everyone. I have it the hard way. It was even hard for me to stay on UG back then, but since I love my dance family and dancing, of course I didn't give up. Except this time around, its harder.. my mom's been on my case. I always pray for this. Dance. Something that I actually enjoy, that makes me happy, that makes everything better for me. Oh well.. who knows, but as for now I gotta listen and concentrate on school. Blah.

We got to the venue, dang Jho did a great job =] Yay for Vegas Theme.
Amazing artist you can say. I wanted to keep this... but unfotunately stuff came up and I spent the whole time crying and worrying outside of the hotel that night.
We were the first few people that came. CG is known as laggers! Haha. Doors open at 545, Dinner served at 600, and from there activities and what not. People didn't start showing up around almost 7 -_- wow right?!
Wooo I'm as tall as Caesar's Palace and Paris =] Gosh, I felt better about my height haha!

Andy. Another close guy friend of mine ever since UG started as well. UG First Gen =] He's always been there for me and lets me know that I can always run to him.

OH Ben! One of my favorite CG heads when I was on UG, I remember we'd have breaking sessions hahahah! Because of this guy I got better with my footworks and what not. SNAPS is the name of the game, the name of the game is called snaps.. are you ready? =] He never failed to make me laugh. Genie, my 09 newbie baby! I love her =] She's an amazing, sweet, funny, confident girl.

My babehgirl Mel! Thanks for picking a nice place for our banquet =] We spent our time sitting infront of the door and making sure that everyone gets a name plate for their table. Good stuff with this girl. One of my mains.

Mmmm my fave Jenny! Bad Influence Mama =] She's one of my few favorites, thats right. Trish, my other Bad Influence Mama. B.I. Family.. we're missing Kim[cg], Tiffany, Dmug, Nick, and Chris[ug]

Yep, pretty mamas thats for sure.

We had two different skit groups, but that failed.. so a few people that were able to meet up just made their own video skit making fun of people. I was literally crying because I couldn't stop laughing! AHHHHHH LOL. Pretty much, Common Ground is full of fun shit..that is all.

Awards, hmm I got the "Most likely to get tackled by Andy" Award. Yeah -_- because of our Army set for Body Rock. He fell on top of me -_-OUCHHHHH.

I love spending time with CG. I love everything about CG. I love my family =] Thank you.

Everyone had a good time and so did I!!!!!!

Except for one part..=/

You can buy your own cigarettes now!

2009-07-27T12:47:00.000-07:00

My sister's birthday =] Woke up around 8am to get ready and what not. We planned on leavin by 930am but that failed. Anna came to my house and then we waited for Nick and Casey. Chilled then left right when Kareem came. Casey drove, and then off to Disneyland we go! Wee =] I love my disneyland pass! haha. Like always Anna and I are hyper and went crazy in the car =] hehe! Lines, lines, and full of lines. I hate waiting in line! hah. For Anna's birthday we decided to get her a Disneyland pass wooooo! Welcome to the Dland pass crew sistahgirl!

First ride, Star Tours.."Anna's favorite ride" umm.. I'm not a big fan cus it gives me a headache right after! yiiikes

Off to Matterhorn, long ass mo'fckin line though and on top of that it was hotttt. Talk about sweating balls.

We left around 430ish, saw Rino from Beat Freaks on the way out. Ah she's a hottie! Off to Hokkaido. Daaaaaaaamn, bomb ass food! I don't like buffets =/ just because I get full right after one plate. Booooo! Met up with everyone there. The server sucks ass from a straw! We were supposed to surprise Anna with a yummy birthday cake.. but she just ruined it.

server: umm.. here's your cake. what do i do with it?

anna: that's not ours!

She didn't even put the candles on it! Whatta B word.

We left Hokkaido, ran some errands and headed to Casey's apartment for our pre-game! Talk about one shot wonder! hehe =] I started feeling it after 2 shots hahaha! Out of everyone I was the one sitting down on the couch, asian glow and with a big ass smile on my face. But oh well, took some more shots with everyone! Getting ready is always fun with the girls. Anna was buzzin and came out of the room showing her butt cheeks, what a sight to see haha!

Yay for Stephy! I missed this girl.

Rode with Kimmy, Nat, and Tad! Oh man, what a ride. Off to Rage Night Club! Buzzed. Red. Hyper. Fun. Laughs. Random. I even started jerking in the car -_- and the whole time they were just laughing at me because of how I was acting haha oh well, just having fun =] We stopped at some gas station on the way because everyone.. I mean everyone needed to go pee. Piece of advice.. never ever go pee at a gas station's restroom. Nastehhh.

Parking was a beeeotch. We came across Dicks street. Interesting haha! They would have Dicks street around a gay club. We arrived and lucky Anna, she got a wrist band, along with Jon, Tad, and Nat. But that didn't stop the rest of us from drinking =] I wished I was 21 that night but thanks to Jon and Tad. Adios. Drunk. Damn that shit was good.

They played good songs woo! We thought Jamie and Francis would feel awkward the whole time at the club, but what a surprise... they fit in perfectly! Out of everyone Francis went on stage and stood on top of a chair and started dancing! HAHAHA gay guys. They were in denial. They were scared that their bro's would find out that they went to a gay club and tease them. Our faces says it all.

uhhh okay.. two guys in the back LOL

Breaks. Man, I've never seen so many cute gay guys! haha, too bad.

We were chillin' outside then we randomly see Anna, Jamie, and a security walk out of the club. HAHA she got kicked out for being "too drunk" haha! There's the wall separatin us from her! but chooooo know, we never leave homies so we all jumped over the wall.. well me, kimmy, and Francis did.

Its chill because we had our own party outside of the club! We were everywhere hah!

We all decided to go home and I think it was about 2ish. Oh man buzzed. heels. eyes half opened. not so good. Thanks to Nat for taking care of me.. I couldn't walk straight by myself. Anna, Kimmy, and I were walking around saying hi to everyone that we pass by, and they were all so nice and gave us compliments! Got hit on by gay/bi-sexual guys yee! Mission accomplished. I was walking with Nat and there was this guy, not so sure if he was gay or bi but he stopped and said that I was really cute =] hah.

We stopped at a Taco stand by where we parked.

This creeper guy was talking to me lol ummm he was nice though. I kept saying how I loved my night and it was my first time at a gay club and that I would come back anytime! He told me I'm a "sweet beautiful girl, god bless you darling" lol um yeah and he kissed my hand!

Tad told me what happened when bi-sexual guy #1 passed by us with his boyfriend, I couldn't really remember. But when I heard, I started giggling. Tad asked the guy if he thinks Anna and I are pretty and he said "I'm bisexual and yes I think they are" poor boyfriend =/ lol Tad was telling us how awkward it was for the other guy. And to see bi-guy#1 kiss Anna on the lips! HAHAHAH HAPPY FCKING BIRTHDAY ANNA!

Headed home after with Kimmy, Anna, Nat, and Tad. It was a fun car ride. Drunken remix. Crazy videos. Random videos. Drunk videos. Anna throwing up. Kimmy "sweating" LOL. Hearing Tad sing, wow he has a nice voice! "Nat you should put alcohol in his drink so he'll sing more!" Non-sense talks. Trying to find a place to pee..fail. Knocked the fck out on the way back home. SOME FUN ASS MO'FCKIN NIGHT.

Happy Birthday Anna =] We love you, bitch.

UnderGround Banquet 2009

2009-07-24T19:25:00.001-07:00

I was so excited for UG Banquet.. thank god my mom let me go, since the whole car accident happened. Kimmy picked me up around 12ish and headed to her house. I like getting ready =] Its always fun, an excuse to put eye shadows, fake eyelashes, dress up, and all those girly shit. I love her big messy room! I swear I can like shop around her room hahah!

like always.. us being our retarded weird selves.
ohhh.. while I was waiting for her to finish getting ready, I was having a little fun with her dirty ass mirror!
Of course we WOULD take a picture outside before we leave. Its a must.
My best friend Jesse =], we arrived at Knott's Berry Farm Hotel at the same time. Man I miss this area.
"Let's take a picture girl!" Our Jena&KayKay Solo.. gotta have one =]
So while waiting for everyone else to arrive, being the camera whores we are.. took a shitload of pictures with my girls. Damn, I'm always the shortest one -_-. KayKay, Marcie, Me, Gina, Kimmy.
Yeah..photoshoots are pretty much a usual thing for us to do. HAHAH my dance team is full of camera whores. Its like photoshoot for us whenever we're all together.

We looooooooooooove Marcie's huge black ass!

One photoshoot is not enough, so we thought of having a second one. Including Audrey and Kimmy! Btw, talk about levels on this picture right? We have chemistry.. we know what to do =]

Yeah with girls like us.. it comes natural LOL

The UG staffers started handing out awards..They gave mine first. "T-Mobile's Newest Commercial Star" WOW right? HAHAHA, let me tell you what it said under.. "For never wasting an opportunity to promote and advertise her cell phone. this person is always with her phone..constantly whipping it out from her pocket or purse while at practice: DURING stretching, DURING cleaning, DURING blocking, etc. Are you really texting or are you just giving your cellphone some publicity? You tricky little celebrity, you!" HAHAHA what an award!
I was surprised that they had "The Next Jena" award! hahahah Jamie got it =] its because she's always ready to take pics hahaha and how she is and how she reminds them of me. I love this cutie =]
Yay for our awards =] I think their awards are really funny. Kimmy got "Laughing Tourette's Syndrome" and KayKay got the "Never Ending Laugh" You gotta hear their laughs. HAHAHAHAH! its contagious. Its funny how most of the time they're still laughing even though everyone stopped 5 minutes ago!
Matt, papa of UG. He was UG's first director.. damn since 1st gen, but he had to stop because he had a lot of things going on.
Mama Karen =], mama of UG since 1st gen.. she stuck with us 1st to 5th gen and now she's head director of UG. Ahh my role model! I'm thankful and happy that I had the opportunity to dance with her on CG.
Tuan Tuan Tuan, this bastard! hehe, He's been there ever since Matt couldn't be around anymore. He loves picking on me and giving me a hard time on UG and CG but it helped me. He pushed me to be better. His yelling and calling me out might piss the fuck out of me, but I thank him for being hard on us, because he only wants us to do better and have fun as well. I thank this asshole!
My pretty UG girls.. we're wassup!

And I can't forget about my Bad Influence Family/Girls, B.I. forever! We're missing Jenny, Nick, Trish, Chris, and Kim! B.I. Suck it bitches, that's all we gotta say =]

As for Kirk, I'm gonna miss him when he leaves for the army. He's always cheering for me at competitions and performances, even at practices! I found out that he's my mentor. I remember when he would tell me how much I've improved since the first time he saw me dance and how I improve everytime at practices. Also how I mess around a lot and on my phone! hahah and how I make everyone laugh and smile.. awww! I'm gonna miss you Kirk! Thank you for everything =]

My korean baby sis Gina! Words can't explain how much I love her =] First gen babies for sure! Now that Leo and I are gone.. she's the only first gen left. Mhmm this girl is an amazing dancer... god! She's only 16! 3 or 4 different dance teams. This girl is an inspiration. And I must say.. she's full of fun =]

YEEE MY GIRLS. I LOVE THEM<3

After the banquet, Kimmy, Jesse, Gina, B, KayKay, and I went to Guppies to chill and eat. Large mixed fruit shaved ice..HELL MOTHER FCKIN YEAH! DELISH. We played this slapping game, then we switched to "whoever loses has to eat a spoon full of condensed milk" umm it was good at first, but it killed our throats right after because it was way too sweet -_-

Then random ass guys came up to me and asked if they could take a video of this guy hitting on me and me playing along to make him look good. WTF?! Are you crazy? nigga I don't know you and who knows what you'll do with the video. So what do you say to that? "FUCK THAT"

HAAAAH.. this shows how much fun I had that night =]

This family means so much to me! My roots. I can't thank them enough. But LONG STORY short, I LOVE UNDERGROUND. Real Talk.

Kimmy's Hate Short Poem

2009-07-23T16:02:00.000-07:00

I'm at Kimmy's house getting dolled up for UG Banquet yay =]!

"You're a liar, so I'm gonna light your pants on fire.
You make me sick, you're someone I want to kick.
So fuck you, I'm gonna step on you with my shoe =]!!!"
-By KIMMY NGUYEN

HahahahahhHAHAHAHHA ASJFLJSKJD;A!! She's funny and she makes my day! yee =]

Regen

2009-07-20T01:46:00.000-07:00

We left for Regeneration 09 on July 17 yee =] I pulled an all nighter the night before. Wow, was up til 5am to pack and then jumped in the shower at 6am. Left to go to church to meet up with everyone at around 7ish. I wasn't really planning on going at first, since I really wanted to perform with The Ground at Beatniks.. but you know what, I don't regret it. I'm actually glad that I picked Regen. It was a refreshing experience for me. God comes first. I admit I wasn't as close with everyone at church compared to now, since I haven't been going to our youth night every friday. But Regen changed everything. I got closer and I got to spend time with my church. We left and headed to San Jose State University. The bus ride was suuuuuuuuuuper long, but fun =] I knocked out most of the time on the way there! hahah and this is what I get..gosh damn, I'm so attractive when I sleep, mouth half open.. hell yeah!
So we played some games on the way there and back home..PING PONG.. I won the first round.. but because of AJ's amazing facials, I lost the second round =[ Damn this bus was cracken.. hahah I didn't know this other side of them. Wow this is what I missed out on this whole time? I'm not going to let it happen again. Once again, thanks to Regen. They're so fun! Clowning on each other, teasing and making fun of everyone, riddles, jokes, doing stupid shit, and what not.. I was tearing up the whole time because of laughing... waaaay too much!

God knows how thankful I am for my church family. Praise Night was a great experience.

Here comes my cutie babies!

I was happy that Ashley was my roomie for the weekend =] Its been how many years since I met this girl because of UnderGround, then I found out we go to the same church!

Camera whored it. Room 617D fsho!
with late night talks and sit ups before we go to sleep. I love this girl.
Met Mark last year at Regen 08!
Two new members of our church, Justine and Katherine..and! Kristine =] I like how they call me Ateh Jena but we're all the same height or they're taller than me =[ lol how saaaaad.

Knowing that they accepted Christ that day was amazing. I look up to these kids and they inspire me so much. I'm really proud of each and everyone of them.

My small group last year! LAMB CHOPS hahah reunited =] Surprisingly there were a lot of dancers at Regen. Nicole from Choreo Cookies, I found out that she was at Fusion! Crazy, I didn't even know she was on Choreo last year. And of course can't forget about Nathalie =]

Also found out that Mike knew Iana and Ray since 2006.. What a small world foreal.

Arian and Nicolle are freakin' comedy, hands down. These two girls made me laugh so much!

Meet my small group girls 09.. Jez, Ivy, and Kapri..missing Stephanie, Ateh Noelle, and Nathalie. Influence 14 =] It was great meeting them and how close we got within those 3 days at SJSU. Wish we had more time though! July 19.

It was an amazing experience for me. This weekend helped me realize so many things about life..I needed this. I learned how to appreciate people around me and the things God has given me. I learned how to accept and deal with things. Thank you God, for who I am back then and for who I am now. You've changed me in so many ways. I've grown from the last time I could even remember.

I can't wait for Regen next year at Biola!

A simple prayer.

2009-07-15T21:36:00.000-07:00

Dear God,

Please help me on this one. My heart is beating so fast I don't know why. I was fine earlier, I really was. But its hitting me right now, pretty hard. Damn. I don't know. I'm blanking out.

Why does it seem like everything's on repeat? I know you don't like seeing or putting me in a situation like this. You know I've had enough, God. But I also know everything happens for a reason. So I'll take it, whatever it is. I'm not blaming anyone. I know things change, feelings change. It just sucks because it feels like its too soon. God, this is what I was scared of. Again.

Help him, God. I know he's probably lost. I care for this person even though things aren't going right with us right now. But guide him. And me too.. please. Thank you.

Chill.

2009-07-15T15:11:00.000-07:00

Woke up late for class today! ahh.. well at least I was only 5 minutes late, better than being an hour late for class! I'm hoping she didn't take 10 points off please! Class was chill, Lauren, Cody, and I were crackin jokes in class hehe! We got out like 25 minutes early, thank god! He listened to my twitter lol! Went home and waited for Anna at the parking lot, then we headed to Tustin Market Place to get her car vacuumed because she forgot to tell them yesterday. Lucky her, the guy was chill! Headed back home and then.. POOOOOOOL time! The water felt so damn good =] Oh man, my tan got better yes! I love laying out in the sun even though I'm probably super dark already! But it was a good time to just lay down, close my eyes, and think about stuff.
I just want to hear everything. The truth, the reason, or whatever you may call it. Whether its good or bad. I just don't like leaving things like this. As much as I don't like waiting, I still want to hear it. I want to know. But only time can tell. Time.. please be on my side. I hope it doesn't take too long..way too long. It doesn't feel good. This is like the 9845792458th time of me waiting. I feel a little bitter I'm not going to lie. Sorry. Who can blame me though? But I know it's going to be okay. Its always going to be okay. I'm going to take it.. one step at a time.

I hope you're taking good care of yourself.

Game.

2009-07-14T12:42:00.001-07:00

"Hey! Wanna play a game?"

"Sure, what is it?"
"The waiting game!"

"What the hell, are you serious..AGAIN?! Naw I don't like that game. I'm sick of it, I played that game too many times."

Uhh something else please? I didn't ask for the same one. Thanks.

Unexpected.

2009-07-13T21:42:00.000-07:00

I blog about what's on my mind, about my day, something good or bad that happened, and what not. But right now even though I have so much to say and a lot of things are going through my mind.. i'm blanking out. I don't even know where to start but one thing that I keep thinking about is.."Wow this is so unexpected. I didn't see this coming at all because I felt sincerity from this person. But I'm probably wrong again."

I seriously don't know what to write here this time.

Classes.

2009-07-07T00:27:00.000-07:00

Wow I've been blogging a lot lately.

Anyways... Monday Monday Monday. I hate Mondays! I was late for my first class today. An hour late to be exact -_- I walked in the class and everyone was just staring, how embarassing right? RIGHT.

"Did you know that class started at 9?"

"Yes, I slept in" Ehh.. she was nice about it though. Another guy came in the class.. 30 minutes after me lol!

"At least you're not the only one" she's funny hehe!

This class seriously made me think about my classes, what I need, what I should do and what not. I actually felt "determined" so yeah its a good thing. I got home and thats when it hit me even more. I went online to look at classes at IVC that I can take this summer . All of them were full, but I thought its okay because I can always try and petition. But the schedule interferes with my work schedule, I can't do that. I need to work to be able to pay for my car and there's no way I'm asking my parents to help me pay for it. I don't want to. So I remembered that today was the first day to register for Fall classes at OCC, I tried that.. seriously nothing was going right. My account was on hold! I was so frustrated -_- I called Simon.. and I was thankful enough that he listened to me complain about how things were just lasjd;flajsd;fja! Its funny because I haven't really seen or talked to him in awhile but yeah, it was nice knowing that he's always there for me. Afterwards, hmm got watery eyed here and there so I just decided to take a nap so I don't think about it. I was craving for a stog.. yeah that's how bad it was. But I didn't. I got a call from OCC and said that they fixed my account. What a relief.. but it took awhile for them to call me back so the classes I needed to register for were already full.. GREAT.

I've been on my laptop doing the same shit ever since I got home. I've been on IVC's and OCC's website trying to figure out my schedule and what classes to take. I want to be on top of things, no more last minute. To top it off, CG's banquet is coming up.. I'm part of the banquet committee. Sonali and I are in charge of the Newbie pictures and also the whole slideshow. Loretta and I are in charge of the prizes and giveaways. I can't lag, making a slideshow is time consuming.

I want rocky road ice cream.

Bestfriend Talk

2009-07-05T23:44:00.000-07:00

"Jena if you fall hard, make sure its worth it. I don't want you to be like me. I gave my everything. I know you've been through so much, now you need someone worth it Jena."

"Last time, you thought about him so much that you forgot about yourself."

"Its good that you feel like this is a good change for you and that you're happy now."

"Think about yourself too. What's right and what's wrong."

"You always want them to be happy, you forget about yourself."

"You're doing this to yourself. Its your decision"

"You have to secure yourself."

There are some things I still don't quite understand. I have so many questions.

Don't you ever feel like you're happy but you still feel a little scared because everything seems to go so well that maybe.. just a MAYBE something bad might happen. Ever thought about who loves who more? who cares for who more? Does that even matter? Sometimes you surprise yourself because you do things you don't usually do just to make a certain someone happy. It makes you happy as well. Who am I kidding, just knowing/hearing/seeing them happy is enough. What is enough when it comes to this situation? Ever wonder if the person thinks about you as much as you think about him/her? Why do you worry? Is it because you feel like the other person is being unfaithful or is it because you care for your special someone. Why do people say "you find the right person at the wrong time" or "you find the wrong person at the right time" why can't it just work out since you know, they feel for one another. Ever wonder why you act different sometimes? You're happy but something hits you, and all of a sudden it brings you down. Why does it take a few more "Are you okay?" till you actually say "yeah" or "no". Are you telling them the truth or are you hiding it from them? Why hesitate? Why do you tell your special someone that you're content with him/her but yet you leave them? Why is it so hard? Why is it confusing? Why do we have to go through it? How do you exactly know who and what is worth it?

There's so much more but I don't want to ask anymore. Its tiring.

One.

2009-07-05T03:01:00.000-07:00

*its because I'm learning to care for this person more every single day.

First time..

July 5, 2009

I'll keep track of it.

Crazy Love

2009-06-29T21:44:00.000-07:00

My church had a graduation gathering for the Class of 09. It was really nice of them to do that for us. They called our names one by one and gave us two things wrapped with a blue gift wrapper. Its not one of those graduation gifts you'll think of right off the bat when you hear the word "graduation gift". I opened mine...two books. I looked around me and I noticed that we all got 1 different and 1 similar books. Mine was, Crazy Love. You'd think right away its about relationships between two people.. well it is heh. Except the other person is someone who's amazing, great, powerful, almighty. God. I started reading this book a little while ago, it seriously made me think of so many things about life. But when I opened the page to "When You're In Love" it caught my attention..

When you are truly in love, you go to great lengths to be with the one you love.

You'll drive for hours to be together, even if it's only for a short while.

You don't mind staying up late to talk. Walking in the rain is romantic, not annoying.

You'll willingly spend a small fortune on the one you're crazy about. When you are apart from each other, it's painful

even miserable. He or she is all you think about; you jump at any chance to be together.

I wish everyone in this world has that same love or even more for God. Just a personal thought... if we learn how to love God as much or even more like what it says up there... the love and relationship we have with that special someone will be genuine. I believe that every couple should have God in between. Really.

We need God's love and we need to love God in order for us to be able to love others genuinely.

I know people look for someone who they want to fall in love with. They look for someone who they want to care for. Someone to share wonderful things in life with, to talk to, to spend time with, to understand, to experience different things in life with... especially someone to share Love with.

But I think that "that never ending, pure, amazing, unquestionable, honest, true love.. " we'll find in God.

He's the only man out there who can give and make us feel that "type of love", who won't hurt us.. who won't hurt me.

DANCING is our COMMON GROUND

2009-06-21T01:26:00.001-07:00

I miss my family. I miss the feeling of being around them. I miss how they make me feel better when I'm having a bad day. I miss how everyone's weird and funny in their own way. I miss all the jokes. I miss making fun of them. I miss them making fun of me. I miss the stress. I miss driving home late at night. I miss whining about how tired I am from practice. I miss getting yelled at.. especially by Tuan. I miss stretching, even though sometimes I half ass it because I'm too lazy. I miss down time. I miss how we lag. I miss the good and the bad. I miss taking naps at practice. I miss their hugs. I miss each and everyone of them with all my heart.

No words can explain how happy I am to be a part of this amazing family. Hands down.

Irvine's Graduation 06/17/09

2009-06-18T17:09:00.002-07:00

Woke up early to get ready for graduation. Nick came over to get ready at my house as well and then Anna and her dad came to pick us up. We got to school and went straight to the gym. Walked to the field with my advisement class! I sat right next to Paul and Jared! They're funny guys =] made me laugh here and there and we whined about how freakin' hot it was!! It was sooooooo hot. We ate at CPK after! Then went to the Block with Emie, Jesse, Karl, and Kuya Mark. We watched "Drag me to hell" hahahah oh maaaaaaaaaaaan.. I'm not going to go into details about what happened. Pretty much the guys were such babies =] hahahahah!

Graduation was fun and memorable for me yay for graduating! and also because of THEM..

Western's Graduation 06/16/09

2009-06-18T17:09:00.001-07:00

I woke up early because I had to get ready and be at Irvine High by 10 for my graduation rehearsal. It was so hot -_- Right after, I booked it to Western's Graduation. Parking wasn't bad at all heh. Wow it was so nice to see the Class of 09 graduate.. wish I was with them though. I sat down with Jeon and Emie's family, screamed my ass off "Woo that's my best friend!!"

Congrats best, from your best and your boyfriend =]

I'm glad my best friends get along. hah

Wow... talk about 8th grade first love. Its always nice to see him. 1year5months, I can't believe it. We're grown up but

some things just never change. I'm glad we're still good friends =]

mmjjk... I miss this.
Whaaaaaaaaaaddup OV girls =] we go way back.

After lagging and what not, we headed to Lucille's! Man we were hungry! Good food =]

Dropped Jesse off right after and just chilled.

All in all it was a good day =]

Congratulations to Western High School's Class of 2009

My Birthday 06/14/09

2009-06-15T23:57:00.001-07:00

The day after Body Rock, greaaaaaaaat.. I thought to myself I'm going to be way too tired to even wake up and celebrate my birthday with my family and friends.

I was half asleep.. and I could hear whispering in my room. I didn't mind it much though. Next thing you know, someone wrapped me with my blanket and carried me. I started yelling and I kept telling them to put me down. I listened to their voices and of course I knew right away who they were. Anna, Nick, Kareem, and Ryan or bitches. I couldn't see anything and they freakin' dropped me on the floor, not once but TWICE! I just washed my blankets too =[ I was straight up just wearing a white T and spandex. I started screaming "I don't even have a bra on and my glasses, its blurry!!" They threw me in the car.. but at least they grabbed my bra, glasses, and cellphone =] I felt so disgusting.. I didn't get to change and especially.. no "daily hygiene" for me. SURPRISE birthday much? They took me to Snooty Cafe for breakfast..yummy food, foreal. So I walked in looking like shit -_- no slippers.. but I was grateful enough that Kareem had new pairs of socks in his car.. yeah I was walking around with socks. What a joke. I surprised them and myself because I was able to walk out of my house looking like asjdflasdfkjsadlf -_- haha! But I can't complain much because the food was amazing! After we ate, they took me to Laguna Beach where we chilled and laughed about the most randomest shit. After that I honestly didn't know where Kareem and Anna were taking me but next thing you know.. I see the big ass orange hot air balloon, I got so excited! But unfortunately it was closed because it was too windy. Stupid overcast. So we just decided to go back home to meet up with my family, Emie, and Jesse. Showered and what not, My mom got me a yummy caramel cake from Red Ribbon =]

My mom straight up put icing on my face and the icing fight started from there! Anna, Emie, and I ran in my room to hide from my mom! hahahah poor Jesse and Josh. We could hear them scream.. "Stop tita" or "Stop mom". We were laughing so hard! We left to go to the movies at Spectrum to watch Hangover =] Met up with Kacey and Nick.

Went back home to figure out something to do. But since the whole Disneyland day didn't happen, Jesse Emie and I decided to go to downtown disney. It sucks because we wanted to go so bad =[ but it was too late! Yay for Disney store though!

Went back home and waited for Karl. Went to Irvine Spectrum around 10ish but I realized it was already too late, most of the stores were closed. We walked around and oh! yay for Pinkberry hehe. We just decided to go to the lake. I love this place, so relaxing. It was a bit scary since it was dark but it was nice to just sit there and talk about random things with Karl. It was a sweet night.

I'm just thankful that I got to spend my birthday with my family, closest friends, and someone special.

THE BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT.

Body Rock 06/12&13/09

2009-06-10T18:00:00.000-07:00

Body Rock weekend was memorable and fun.

My day started on Friday, the 12th. I woke up thinking about CG's Body Rock preview night! It was fun! It started hitting me that night that Body Rock was only how many hours away. After preview night Gina, Andy, B, Leo, Nigel, and I went to Andy's house to rest up for a bit before heading out to San Diego that same night. The guys thought that it would be less of a hassle if they showered at Andy's and so they did. While Gina and I planned to shower at Carl's house the next morning! yee. So while waiting, I started flipping channels while eating B's candies! All the channels or movies I picked were scary movies! haha, except for The Simpsons and Harold and Kumar something something I forgot. We left Andy's house let's say around 1ish. I seriously thought I was going to stay up but I was the first one to knock out. Got to Carl's house around 3ish and his dad cooked some bomb ass spaghetti! Everyone that got there before us were asleep either upstairs or downstairs like these fools. So Gina and I thought of recording them and pretended they were some random animals in the amazon.

After that instead of getting some rest Sheila, Carl, Jho, and I stayed up.. talked and laughed about random shit the whole entire time till sunrise! I was hyper tired, foreal. I also wanted to beat everyone else for the bathroom because I don't like having to deal with everyone trying to get ready all at once so yay me! After I showered and got ready I sat down right next to Sheila and Carl by the stairs where we could see everyone who were sleeping downstairs and all of a sudden.. you hear Joe moan! HAHAHAHAHAH that was so fcking hilarious. At first I thought it was a loud fart, but it was Joe moaning, oh man! While everyone was getting ready, I tried to catch some Zzzzzz.. heh 10-20 mins =[ Ate breakfast and headed to The Rock[Body Rock's venue]

We got to the venue and maaaaaaaaaan do we look tired =[ I wasn't too happy. I drank monster and I'm not quite sure how many red bulls, "crash and burn" that's what everyone kept telling me. Tech went well, but I didn't feel it. I thought to myself.. "just wait till we go on stage, over looking a huge ass crowd infront of me." Watched other teams tech and wow there were a lot of great teams! We ate after and went straight back to practicing some more before the competition start.

Body Rock was an amazing experience with my family...

continuation..

BLOG: DANCING is our COMMON GROUND

Let it go.

2009-06-08T04:31:00.000-07:00

Its hard for me to let go of something that I've been holding on for quite awhile. I've been trying to get used to it so it wouldn't be as hard when the right time comes. This experience I've had made a huge impact and has taught me numerous things in my life. I honestly don't want to leave. I'd stay for as long as I can but REALITY CHECK.. I have to let it go. I have to accept the fact that I can't be there as much anymore, but I know I'll miss it. A LOT. For the past few weeks or months I feel as if its not the same anymore..I miss how it used to be. Don't get me wrong, I still care, I still love, and I still want to be there but that "feeling" already hit me. The feeling that you have to leave because its time, because its right, because I feel like I've done enough. I've been there since the very beginning... wow, I never left. Just thinking about how it was and how it is now. I'm grateful for everything. I can leave and say I've made the best out of this whole experience. But one thing's for sure... I'll always remember, I'll always look back to it, I'll always appreciate, I'll always care, I'll always love UNDERGROUND, my roots. MY FAMILY.

This team/family consists of AMAZING LOVING CARING and TALENTED INDIVIDUALS.
Each and every one of them means so much to me... ='[

"You have to learn how to let go" -Mama Karen

Western's Prom 5/30/09

2009-06-02T03:24:00.000-07:00

Western's prom was bangin' foreaaaaaaaaaaal. I can't really explain how happy I was that day, especially just because I got to spend time with my close friends from Western. I missed those days with them. I love these two girls btw! Just thinking about it.. 7th grade, all the good and bad times. Its been almost 5 years. Even though we barely see each other, it still feels like as if I've spent most of my time with them like how it was back then. Thank you Best and Jo.

And as for this guy, Karl Flores =] hmmm all I can say is.. hands down he was a great prom date. Spent a good amount of time with this cutie. Yep, great sweet guy I must say. I just love how he gets along with all of my friends lol umm.. especially my friends' dates.. haha!

And then it was time to eat! yay for Elephant Bar =] pretty dresses huh?! hehe

JJMMKA hahahah wow talk about 7th grade. These girls, minus Kim =[ She was too busy getting her freak on!

I like this picture =]

Yeah so much for reservation at Imagix Studio.. because of this, we lost our 6:15pm dinner reservation! This place changed so much ever since the last time I took dance pictures here, which was probably like freshman year! haha.. its cus I've been going to Say Cheese. Oh well the pictures turned out really nice though =]

Can't forget about these two girls =] My favorite volleyball babehs!

Oh Melvorah, she knows me too damn well. She still knows just how I like it! hahahah

Yay for the horsey ride =] I thought it was relaxing especially because my feet were killing me. Talk about high heels -_- mhmmmmmmm girlfraaaaaaaaaaaaaan 4 or 5 inches.

After prom, instead of going to a hotel party.. we watched UP =] hahaha it was worth it.

Headed home with Karl, watched The Little Rascals while eating cookies and snacks! Knocked out on the couch, woke up out of nowhere.. had our never ending talks till, hmm lets say around 6am =] hahah! It was good.

And again.. all I gotta say is.. I had/have the BEST GROUP, the BEST DATE, the BEST FRIEND =]

Whatever it is.

2009-05-28T23:21:00.000-07:00

I don't know what's wrong. How all of a sudden I feel heavy inside me... I hate this. I keep blanking out, I wish I can talk and let it out but I can't even explain how I'm feeling. This is so weird. I don't like it though. Whatever it is... I don't like it. I'm getting goosebumps too. Ahh this honestly doesn't feel good at all. Someone pin point what's wrong, because I can't. I'm trying to figure it out. But I seriously seriously don't know. It just hit me all of a sudden, it came out of nowhere. asdlkfjas;djf;asldgkjasdjfwiejf;askdjf sdjsmadvnsvnasfiejalsdjf!

I'm just gonna try and sleep, so I don't think about it. Whatever the fck it is.
It shouldn't be a big deal.

I'm done. Period. No more.

UG Photoshoot Day

2009-05-21T03:25:00.000-07:00

Its been pretty crazy and a tiring week for me. After pulling off an all nighter because I lagged on my research paper for 4 weeks, working either morning shift or night shift, having to learn new choreos, casting, and blocking that same day for CG's new set, and to top that cherry.. I always wake up around 730ish to take my brother to school.. it seems like its never ending but then again I like being busy.. sometimes. Other than the fact that I haven't been getting enough rest this whole week, let's not forget about the good shit that happened to me last week =]

I had UG photoshoot today. One thing I love about being a girl is getting dolled up. I barely dress up, only on special occasions/events. So I woke up at around 630ish to get ready because our call time at Old Towne Orange was at 8am.. so damn early right?! Kimmy and I hella lagged so we didnt get there till 9ish. It was a nice place I must admit, it was pretty relaxing. While the others were getting their pictures taken.. we hella camera whored it with my camera.

everyone loves my camera =]

After everyone just decided to go to Tiffany's house. Met up with everyone at Yogurtland first, for free yay! hah. Then headed to Tiffany's house, eat eat eat eat. thats all I did. I munched on food here and there =[! I'm so taba face. Watched knocked up with everyone.. but I fell asleep! haha what's new? =/ I always sleep! ANYWHERE ANYTIME. I woke up feenin' for Boiling Crab, I was super hungry! hahaha so we left and ate at Boiling Crab. GOOOOD SHIT =]. Went to this nail store after and I painted Leo's nails because I wanted to see if the colors looked nice! hahah. Headed home with Kimmylove.. So when I got home my mom said we were going to go out to eat.. ummm -_- I was still full, but guess whaaaaaaaaaaat! I ate anyways =] hahahah FML. Oh well, food is good.

It was a really nice day.

I wish..

2009-05-19T11:31:00.000-07:00

Wow I'm graduating in about a month. It amazes me how time passes by so quickly! I'm actually looking through my picture albums right at this moment and woooooooooooow, I miss those days. I wish I can walk with my friends from Western High School. I wish =[.. It makes me sad just thinking about it. I miss them.. I miss everything and how it used to be.

2009-05-14T08:37:00.000-07:00

UG's practice last night was hell for me. I've never felt so tired to a point where I felt like my whole body was going to collapse on the floor. After cleaning, running through pieces and/or the whole set numerous times my body felt weak. It was the second to last full out run through for the night, I pushed myself for the team because I knew I wasn't the only who was exhausted, but looking at everyone.. I felt like I got it worse than anybody else. CG heads were watching too, so I didn't want to disappoint them. Piece after piece all I could think of was "Fuck its hard to breathe, it hurts. 5 more pieces, 4, 3, 2, 1" It was the end of Tuan's piece when I felt like I couldn't carry my whole body, the rest were walking to their spots...while on the otherhand, I was still sitting down.. I did not move, I couldn't. It felt like I was carrying something so heavy that I couldn't get up from where I was sitting. I tried so hard, I knew I had to pull through, so I pushed myself. I tried to go full out for our closer. It was hurting, I couldn't breathe. My eyes were getting watery, but I told myself I can't show anyone so I tried my best to hold it in. Finally it was done. "Take a break and we're going to do another last full out run through" I booked it down the stairs hoping no one saw me because I didn't want them to worry because I thought I was going to be fine. First set of stairs. Second.. my legs felt weak, it gave up on me. I started crying which made it worse. I tried to breathe but it was hurting even more..my legs, arms, I was cramping, my head was spinning, and especially my chest. It scared me. It really did. I couldn't calm myself down which made it worse. Thank God Andy and Karen came. All I could hear was, "Don't think about anything, don't stress", "Breathe Jena", "Calm down, just relax.", "Slowly" over and over again.

Quit. Eat healthy. Get more sleep.

It was a GOOD day

2009-05-09T03:15:00.000-07:00

FRIDAY, May 8

Kimmy, Anh, Becky, and I went to the beach around 11 because it was so hot =[ Got to Newport Beach and it was windy and cloudy! We stayed for a bit, talked about random things, chilled.

Since it was too windy and a bit cold, we decided to go to Revolving Sushi because we were hungry and we started craving for it. MMmm yummy sushi! I swear I could eat it everyday aslfjsadfj =] I'm such a fat ass. After we went to Anh's house to hookah [btw, it was a cute pink one hehe]. I told them how Gina and I did something with a brown circle cardboard and soap to blow the smoke into it and make a bubble hahaha so we did that!

Chilled with them for a bit and then I picked my brother up from school and dropped him off at church for his community service. Went back home to grab my stuff for UG practice and Kimmy, Anh, and Randy picked me up. We went to Kimmy's house and tanned at her pool. I fell asleep while tanning so, fck my life.. my front side is a bit darker than my back! lol but my arms are still darker =[ lol Went to Dairy Queen and Jamba Juice and grabbed food before Kimmy and I go to practice. We were a little late for practice, but half of the team didn't show up =/ so we cleaned some pieces and just did run throughs. Ended practice early, around 7ish almost 8 so we all decided to chill at UCI center. Yay for yogurtland! I've had yogurtland 3 days in a row after practice! hehe yum =] Everyone was talking about random stuff and all I could remember was that we were all laughing so hard that some of us started tearing up! We were pretty loud heh. Kimmy, Aliyah, Adam, Camron, and I decided to go to VDC. I txted Tracie to see where they were at but she said she was at my work, so we thought that they didn't go to VDC, so we chilled outside for how many minutes watching UG's skit video and finally someone passed by and unlocked the door for us. Went inside and saw Tuan, Carl, Kim, and Andy. "Man, we should've called them" haha! Stayed for a bit, but since Kimmy and I were tired cus of the long day we had, we just decided to head home.

Got home and watched TV with my mom, I barely talked to her though. So while I was eating,I get a call from a random number and it was Karl, at around 11 almost 12am. I barely talked to him yesterday since his phone is not working. I thought he just wanted to say hi and what not, but he asked what I was doing. I told him that I'm just at home eating and watching TV. He was at Disneyland and he asked how to get here from Disneyland. My mood automatically changed, hah! I got excited but then at the same time it was late so I didn't want him to drive, mm got worried. But he told me it was fine. Gave him direcs and he told me to come outside in about 15 minutes since his phone is acting up. hmm 15 mins.. no Karl, I got worried that probably he got lost or something.. so I started walking around the parking lot and saw his car parked, I felt bad when I saw him because he was sleeping =/ got in his car and looked for parking, we chilled at the parking lot for a bit and then my mom called to tell me to come back since it was getting late. So, Karl and I just decided to chill at my house..said hi to my mom and watched TV hahah he was so nervous when he met my mom. How cute. Karl and I were watching Aeon Flux or however you spell it. Chilled and talked =]]]]]. He fell asleep here and there =[ lol aww poor Karl. It was really nice having him over, but I felt soooooo bad cus he was really tired from Thursday and then Disneyland. Haha he showed me a picture of me on his phone when I sleeping in his car while we were driving back to where I parked my car last Tuesday, when I went to visit him. Jerk! So I got him back and took a picture of him sleeping on my couch!

He was so shy hahahah! I've never really met someone who's so shy like how he is around me hahah =] It was around 2am, walked him to his car and chilled for a bit. We had a long nice conversation in his car. He didn't wanna leave, I didn't want him to leave, but we had so say goodnight. Stayed up to wait for his "I got home safely" call. Oh man it was a GOOD night. What a nice cute way to end my night =] Cute stuff though. Foreal =]

Thanks to Kimmy, Anh, Becky, Randy, and Karl for a great day =]

Ultimate Brawl Battle of Distinction 050309

2009-05-05T10:49:00.000-07:00

I hella lagged on this blog.. hehe.
I'm still amazed. Seriously.
CG won 1st Place at Ultimate Brawl. This is the first time they ever got 1st, and hands down I'm happy to be a part of this team. I'm happy to have won 1st place with them. This is a memorable event to remember. I have nothing much to say about this, because pretty much I'm just excited and happy about it. I can't stop watching the fcking videooo ahh! =] UB day was such a good day though foreal!

Fck, I love my family. My second performance with CG and we got 1st place. It feels really nice.. so just in case I do end up leaving CG this year I can say that it was a great year with them and boy! what an experience =].. and I'll still be around! I just hope.. I hope I can still keep dancing, because its something I love to do and I enjoy it. My mom's my only problem.. we seriously don't get along when it comes to dancing. But enough about that.. GOOD JOB CG FAM<3> would always tell myself, I want to be on this team when I turn 18 hahahah.. and here I am and its actually happening. It still amazes me how before, I would go to CG practice just to say hi and watch them practice.. now, I go there to have fun and practice with everyone. It amazes me how I always wished to be able to share the same stage with them, its really happening =] I'm just thankful and happy that I got the chance to be on this team with these wonderful people.

love COMMON GROUND<3>

scared because I started to feel like I'm losing passion and how I didn't really want to be at CG practice that certain night. I was having mixed emotions. But he told me to just give it time and let it all sink in. He said that he's scared because I might expect too much from CG and its not really all that. So.. I gave it time, Now, I feel it more and I'm not expecting too much from CG, its actually how I pictured it. The more I stay on CG the more I start to realize that I need to leave UnderGround soon. It sucks having to feel this way but when its time to go its time to let go. I've been holding on UG for awhile now.. Like what Karen told us at WOD "For the oldies, learn how to let go" I started crying when she told me that. All I could think of that moment was when I first tried out for UG and all of GEN 1. I owe it to UnderGround and the chords who trained us and helped us get better.

I was wondering.."hmmm does my blog make sense cus I'm just typing and typing" so hah sorry if it maybe doesn't make sense? alskjfaslk ionno! haha I'm like half asleep. but fck it. anyways

CGUG YOU KNOW UGHHH<3>

25 Random Things about me

2009-05-02T18:21:00.000-07:00

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 20 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you...

So Jesse tagged me on facebook. hah but since I'm bored and I can't take a nap.. I'm doing this shit. I really don't want too many people reading this, so I thought I'd do it here especially because my mom and I are friends on facebook ! hahahahah!

1. I stay up hella late at night, even though I'm tired and exhausted. "Can't sleep" problem

2. I fall asleep in less than 2 minutes during the day most of the time. hahaha. I remember after Sportsfest we were on our way to coconut bay and we didn't even get on the freeway and I knocked out [andy told me]. haha one more random day was at lunch, we were on our way to Culver plaza which is like 5 minutes away.. I knocked out -_- [nick told me] And oh! Some CG heads said that I might beat Carl and be the new champion for who can sleep right away LOL I thought it was funny!

3. I've been working at Tapioca Express for about 5 or so months now, and I still ask the most retarded questions -_- lol ... "What's honey green tea?" btw, its one of the easiest drinks to make.

4.It takes a lot to get me mad. Sometimes people can't even take me seriously when I'm mad =/

And when I am, people[whoever made me mad] do things to make me laugh and smile just to forgive them.. most of the time it works ughh, but it depends though! I guess I'm a forgiving person. but I don't forget.

5. I have two tatts, I might add more to my first one.

6. Its automatic for me to open 5 windows.. blogspot, myspace, facebook, youtube, yahoo. Most of the time its exactly in that order.

7.Sometimes when I get home, I turn the TV on in the living room and go straight to my room. I find this random lol

8. I get texts from a few close friends that says "I'm pooping" -_-

9. I've only had my car for about 3 weeks, and I already backed up on a car at Heritage Plaza parking lot HAHAHHAHAHA fck my life!

10. When I'm at work, I don't drink water at all because of all the tapi drinks. so badddddd.

11. Dance, work, school are taking over my life right now.. I miss how it was back then.

12. I like simple stuff. Just sit somewhere and talk, even if its just at a parking lot. Simple things make me smile and happy. I appreciate every little thing.

13. I go to this lake whenever I have bagillion problems!

14. Lately, I've been seeing humming birds whenever I'd go outside for my break time at work. I told Nat and she said its good luck.

15. My closet is arranged by colors

16. I'm lazy when it comes to cleaning, but whenever I'd actually start cleaning... I would end up cleaning the whole house.

17. I somewhat grew up in Nueva Ecija, where my mom is from. Just for a short period of time though and I don't really know how to speak it. But everytime I would hear my mom talk on the phone with my lola, I'd understand most of the things she's saying.

18. I suck at listening to my own advice.

19. I suck at math, foreal! Someone help me lol Its like my weakest subject. I hate Math.

20. I had a so called "twin" in elementary school. Her name was Jana Azalea David and one time we brought our baby pics to school, and wow I was amazed... we looked exactly alike when we were little. She was a tomboy though and I was such a girly girl.. my elementary school back then was an exclusive private school, yep all girls.

21. I still watch Little Rascals even though I've seen it so many times, and I miss watching Whose line is it anyway =[! I always miss it whenever its on.. askdfjasjdf!

22. When me and my friends joke around, they always say something about my height =[

23. I want a gay best friend. I remember I used to tell my bestfriend Jesse that I wish he was gay. lol

24. I eat a lot, but my mom complains about how I'm so skinny ????! yeah she emphasizes the word "sooooooooooooooooooo"

25. I get distracted easily.

"Thanks for the talk"

2009-05-01T02:09:00.000-07:00

So like this morning, umm it was unexpected! lol in a good way. haha oh myyyyy =]. GIDDY GIDDY YUP!

I didn't see this one coming.. but I'm glad I found out! What a relief =]

One step at a time you know ;] cute stuff though foreal. haha

la la laaaaa..

This is interesting.

2009-04-28T03:56:00.001-07:00

Name: Jena Taruc
Date: 4/28/2009
Colorgenics Number: 50274163

You are longing for a little love and tenderness. At present you are feeling very sensitive and need a sympathetic shoulder to lean on. You don't need any further stresses, strains or arguments so take a deep breath and relax.

You don't really give in. You follow your beliefs and ideals to the bitter end. You are the personification of stubbornness and whatever may transpire, right or wrong, you refuse to compromise or make concessions.

You know what you want and you are very dogmatic and demanding - especially in your emotional demands. You have specific ideas and beliefs and if these beliefs are not realised you can become extremely frustrated. You may not be that perfect but you are looking for perfection with the perfect partner.

There is considerable amount of stress present in your life at this time and this is perhaps due to some considerable mental and physical frustration. There are various physical needs that are necessary for your well-being but whatever the reasons - mostly of your own making - your needs are not being fulfilled. We wonder why? You are under the impression that nobody seems to care for you. This predicament is most uncomfortable and it is because of this that you are experiencing far more stress than you feel you can cope with. You need to find a soul mate - someone who truly understands you and whose standards are as high as your own. As matters stand you would like to break away from the vicious cycle that you find yourself entrapped but this is easier said than done. You refuse to compromise with your opinions and essentially you are unable to resolve the situation because you are continually postponing the making of the necessary decision. You are stubborn but this should be no deterrent experiencing a happy life.

You are worn out - suffering from what has been described as 'burnout' and nothing seems to stimulate you to break away from this state of lethargy. This situation is causing an acute distress situation and not being able immediately to resolve the problems is exposing you to excess stress and tension. You are endeavouring to break away from this situation by withdrawing into a state of 'Never Never Land' - an illusory substitute world in which things could be as you would like them to be. Now is the time to take time-out - to relax. A short break is all that you need and you will find that matters will resolve themselves.

Thanks sis for the website. It may be accurate or not, but wow.
This tripped me out when I first read it. And everytime I read this, all I could say is.. wow.

I'm better.

2009-04-27T19:12:00.000-07:00

I'm in dire need of change..

"Forget the past, but remember what it taught you. Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything's okay, hold back the tears and walk away"
I honestly don't know what to do with you anymore. You've hurt me enough, no one has ever hurt me like how you did.. and here you are again, What are you trying to do?? You think it'll be easy like the last 103489107432984723 times?! I thought I can never walk away, I believed and I was able to walk away.
"Women were made from a man's rib. not from his head to be superior, not on his feet to be walked on, but from his side to be equal, from under the arm to be protected, and from next to the heart to be loved."
all those times I embraced you with open arms, after all those times when you treated me like shit, after all those times I found out there was another girl and I dealt with it, after all those times you said those hurtful things to me, after all those times you made me feel like everything was my fault even though I didn't do anything wrong, after all those times I had to sacrifice what I love to do just so you won't get mad, just so we won't fight, just so you won't leave. What gets me the most is that, when we would fight.. you say things to me like you don't care about how I feel. I remember telling you that I'm your girlfriend, not your bitch. NOT THIS TIME. Things don't get handed to you easily, get that in your head. Just the thought about all those things you've put me through, pisses me off. I feel so bad for myself. I know I'm not all that great, but it sucks because I knew.. I knew I deserved so much more.. but no.. since I cared so much, I chose to deal with it everytime. What are you doing nowwwwwww, you told me to leave you alone.. that you're happy and content without me and to stay out of your life. I got that in my head. It made me realize a lot of things, I'm fine now, I'm done with the whole "cyle" shit. Thanks for all those hurtful things you once told me because it made me move forward. It made me feel stronger, it made me realize what's out there. Its funny how you tell people that I'm your girlfriend just so those girls will stay away from you, and we're not even together. But when I actually needed you to tell them that when we were together, you didn't. You couldn't straight up answer the question "What's going on with you and Jena? Are you guys together?" We let it drag for so long, I just played along with it because you thought that was whats best. Its about time, I need my time. I'm content with the things and the people I have in life. I hope you are too. Friendship is what I can give to you. Its not easy this time around, I hope you know that. I hope you know where I'm coming from. It's going to be okay. Things happen for a reason.
Whenever you would tell me that I deserve someone better, I would always tell you not to say that. But I'm starting to realize that maybe you are right, that I do deserve someone better. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate you or anything, its just I don't need this right now from you. I was there for you all those times you needed me, I'm always here if you need me, just not that way.
You text me, telling me how I ignore your texts when you tell me how you feel or when you would remind me about our past. Why should I txt back?What am I supposed to say to that right? I have nothing to say. Stop.
I asked you why are you all of a sudden doing these things and you told me that you never know what to keep in your life til its actually gone. It took 4895734579435 times. You should've realized it sooner. Its okay now though. I'm good. I'm better. I see things clearer now. I'm here... as a friend.

He said... She said...

2009-04-26T01:06:00.000-07:00

I just recently heard something that has to do with me and this person. Random shit I must say, I didn't really know how to react or what to think of it when I heard it, but the only thing I thought of was "wow, are you serious? they don't even know me or the real story" I know I really have nothing to say about it or explain because I know I'm not doing anything wrong, but I thought I'd just talk about it here.

So hmm, here's the first part of the story. This guy that I was chillin' with as "friends" [as in foreal, just friends..nothing more, or at least to me it was just friends] admitted to me that he likes me about, let's say 2 weeks ago. When he said that to me before him and his friend left, I nodded my head, "oh no.." and he told me "just think about it". The night of preview night before Fusion, he asked me if I thought about what he said to me and I told him straight up what was up. I told him how I'm scared, and how a guy needs to earn my trust. I've been played quite a few times and trust it doesn't feel good at all. I'm not trying to say guys are all the same, but I've had a bad past.. I need change. Someone please! I'm not gonna lie he was a chill guy, but I guess you can say it wasn't really there. I said sorry to him if I ever did anything wrong..and he said "its okay, you didn't do anything wrong. You told me what was up with you and I'm not expecting anything out of it, I just wanted you to know how I feel about you" I was relieved knowing that. So of course, I just made sure since I heard that "something" recently.

So then, let's just say I met this guy at Fusion, hahah funny story. Embarrassing, blah blah blah I was shy, dang it. This guy and I are chill, nawmsayin' ?!

Now get this.. [This is what I heard from my source] She was texting me and asked me what was up with me and this one guy who I met at Fusion. She told me that she heard that some people think I'm talking to the first guy. [Wow people do talk] And recently me and the guy I met at Fusion, well you can say we txt here and there, I mean what's bad about that? He's a chill guy to talk to and stuff. And I guess people are saying I'm gonna play games, FIRST OFF, I'm not that type of person to play games. If anything its the other way around -_- How can I play games when I'm not even talking to anyone? That's the thing that irritates me, people don't know what the real story is and they assume. What's bad about being friends with someone or like plan a day to kick it with him. What's wrong about thinking someone's cute, who doesn't right? HAHAHA Does that mean I'm a bad person all of a sudden? It sucks because I guess now some people have a bad impression, I mean what can I do? That's what they think. I know I shouldn't care but it sucks when its not even true. Oh well.
Yep and people have been asking me about whats up with me and him lately, and two asked me again today at practice.

But yeah, I don't have anything against anyone. If its not true, why care right? They can think whatever they want to think but ME, MYSELF, and I and my friends know what the real deal is. And with this whole situation whatever happens happens like what I always say, things happen for a reason and I guess you can say, I'll embrace it with open arms =] we'll just see what happens yay! lol just hoping it'll be all gooooooooooooooooooood! Oh thank god I am understanding hahahahah

Cutesy, I must say though.

We love and miss you Miko, I still remember

2009-04-25T00:41:00.000-07:00

So I'm in the living room by myself, contemplating if I should get up and grab something to eat. I feel lazy though yuck.

So today, or should I say yesterday since its almost 1am.. woke up early to drop my brother off to school, went back home to get ready to go to the cemetery since its Karl "MIKO's" 1 year. Dang this tells me that 08 went by so fast.. its been a year since Miko passed away. I remembered when I got a call from Jesse telling me that he passed away.. I was crying so much, even my parents. The last time my family and I saw him was when he came over to my house and he showed us a presentation. He cooked for us right after, bomb ass sinigang! I had a lot of memories with him that I won't forget. We love you Miko, watch over us. I miss you and your jokes, and your amazing voice, and your usher moves.. mann you are one talented guy. We will never forget you, I miss your sunday morning workouts, our dance moves, you breaking bricks, showing everyone your 6 pack haha, cutting everyone's hair in your garage, listening to you sing and watching you dance, and so much more.. I love and miss you Karl "Miko" Packing.

After I got ready I drove down to La Palma to pick Brian up, chilled for a bit with his mom and left to go to the cemetery. We got there at around12ish in the afternoon [mmhmm we were 1 hour early] We walked back and forth looking for Miko's grave. So knowing me, I would fall asleep anywhere.. I got tired and it was hot, so I decided to sit down and bam next thing you know I was lying on the grass, closed my eyes, and took a lil nap -_- wow.. ridiculous. I called Patrick to ask where exactly Miko's grave was because I couldn't remember. I just love how he pretty much explained where it was, it was so detailed.. "okay jena you enter the gate, make a right and then another right, you'll make a left on the second one. Look for a big bush, there's a trash can with a faucet right infront of it" .. Now get this part of his detailed directions.."face the field and look at your 40 degree angle and you'll see a dinky tree. walk towards it, when you're right next to it, stop and look for a statue..MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A GOOD VIEW OF HIS BUTT in between two big trees" HAHAHAHAH wow right? I was laughing so hard earlier. I guess.. I mean it was a big help, we found it! He told me that was the only way he could explain where it was. After that, I followed Patrick to his house so I can say hi to his brothers, mom, and the rest of his family. I missed them =/ I miss Buena Park. Oh and btw, I had some bomb ass TURON! ahh Patrick's aunt made it, and maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaann orgasm in my mouth! umm TURON I mean! I had to leave before 2 =/ sucks because I wanted to stay and wait for everyone else to come but unfortunately I had to pick my brother up from school and then go to work [I swear its like never ending, I feel restless], so I dropped Brian off and said bye to his parents. Off to the 91 east and 5 south. My contacts were irritating the shit out of me and I started getting teary eyed, while I was driving I'd close my eyes here and there.. which was really bad! Exit Jeffrey, and went to Josh's school right away. I was in such a hurry. Dropped my brother off at church for his community service and then went straight to work. Thank god it wasn't as busy as I thought or pictured it would be. And now, I'm home on a Friday night.. can't sleeeeeeeeeeeeep. I'm trying to, its not quite working yet!

baby sittingggggggg.. bored and sleepy

2009-04-23T13:26:00.000-07:00

so I'm babysitting right now here in Crowne Valley. I'm so sleepy -_- I still feel like I haven't gotten enough sleep since I work school CG and UG practice and babysit sometimes. Either I wake up early or get home late yiiikes. Well at least I'm making money =] I need to pay for my caaaaaar. ahhh. Today is like a whatever day. Hopefully it gets better since I have UG practice and it always makes me happy! I'm pretty excited. One practice in a week is not enough.. I wish UG had more practices again! but soon enough, since K-12 dance competition is coming up. Come and support UG =] and I'm stoked about Ultimate Brawl with CG. Dancing is the only thing that makes me happy these days, other than that its more like stress from work school and parents. I just hope things get better soon.. hmmmm. Okay baby Cash is awake now. hahah yes his name is Cash, as in like cash money yess hah! I need to take care of him now, he's so cute and adorable! I enjoy watching over him and his brother Ben =] They're good kids!

Fusion 041909

2009-04-20T22:14:00.000-07:00

Wow first of all I just want to say CONGRATULATIONS to all the dance teams out there, and my dance family COMMON GROUND! wooooo for placing 3rd place. This is the first time CG ever placed at Fusion. Its crazy.. my first Fusion and we placed.. its also my UG director, Mama Karen's last fusion.. I'm bummed out about it, but hey.. I guess we can say its a great way to start off newbies year and its also an amazing way to end it for our CG heads who are leaving this year. It finally paid off.. after all the hard work, the hardships that our team went through, the misunderstandings, and how there was a point in time when some of us felt that there is a possibility our Vegas set won't pull through. But wow, we are all in shock. When they announced that CG got 3rd place, to us it felt like we got 1st place.. or even better. Just the fact that they recognized us and all the hard work we put in this set. Everyone was filled with tears of joy. I was crying because I was so happy and just seeing everyone happy! ahh I'm still overwhelmed... someone pinch me! haha. It was so cute and warm getting a big hug from this one person. It was also funny seeing Kriska cry while she was eating her apple =] hahahah! Wow I got to dance with Karen, who I look up to so much.

I've always wanted to be on CG when I first started dancing with UnderGround. Just looking back at everything that happened these past few years.. Fusion 2007 was the first dance competition I ever went to with UG first gen. Now I'm dancing with CG and my first competition with CG was Fusion. Wow I just realized how time went by so fast and how what I've always wished for actually came true.

I'm trying to make the best out of it this year because I don't really know until when I can stay on CG or even be able to dance period..since my parents are on my case about how dance takes up my time and that I'm not concentrating in school. It sucks because they don't quite understand my situation. I've tried explaining it so many times.. filipino parents. I just dislike the fact that my mom doesn't keep her words or our deal. My dad on the other hand, I don't have to worry about.. its weird because filipino dads are supposed to be the strict ones. Not mine.

It might seem crazy, but when my mom straight up told me Fusion was my last competition.. I was crying so much yeah yeah yeah .. what a baby. But I guess its just like that when you love something so much and especially the people who I share that same passion for dance. I just hope and pray that my mom will eventually listen and understand me more. As of now, all I can do is compromise and just deal with it. Here I am trying to figure out ways to make it easier for me and for my team because its not fair if I'm able to leave early while the rest stay till later practicing and working hard..

Hope things will turn out alright. Eventually..

ULTIMATE BRAWL HERE WE COME =]

my baby who will never leave or make me sad! hehe

2009-04-07T08:09:00.000-07:00

yay I got the car that I wanted yesterday! hellooooo 2009 Honda Fit sport.. My baby yay! haha =] I didn't even expect it but finally ! okay off to work soon.

CG GRV mixer

2009-03-01T04:02:00.000-08:00

I just got home about how many minutes ago! its 4am.. and wow I'm still awake. I knocked out on the way home but I feel wide awake so I thought I'd update this. What a tiring long ass motherfcking day foreal! I woke to clean up and what not and left around 1230pm to go to CG workshop, it ended at around 6pm. Leo and I went to my house because I needed to change and we met up with everyone at a korean barbeque [which was really bomb btw!] around beach blvd. It was a fun, solved shitload of funny, scary, weird riddles! oh maaaaaaan i love how everyone was so into it! Then we headed to the Anaheim ice rink to meet up with the rest of CG and GRV. Mingle! Met more chill people. took pics and what not! We started playing at around 1230ish am! ahhh my first time playing broomball.. it was so fun =] who said short people aren't good at it?! pshhh we tore shit up! hahahah yeee for my little ladies! Sucks though because there were about 3 or 4 girls that got hurt =/ hope they get better! a lot of people fell hehehe some were really funny. I almost fell so many times, but I caught myself. Afterwards we headed to the parking structure and played some icebreaker games like evolution [stages: egg, chicken, dinosaur, penis, super ultimate vagina] ionno how the dinosaur evolved to a penis and how it evolved to super ultimate vagina! hahah oh well it was a fun game. And just a thought, women overpowers the men =] It came down to RobRob and Leo..good job to RobRob, he's the ultimate vagina! hahaha, then played another fun game! so yadiyadiyaaaaaaaaaaaa ionno where I'm going with this, I'm half asleep I don't know what else to say because I'm super tired.

I'm happy for myself that I'm able to enjoy things, without anyone holding me back. I'm doing better, I'm making the best out of things, and I'm having fuuuuuuuuuuun =]!
BTW, Happy Birthday Mom!
alright, goooooooooooooooooooodfckingnight.. again =]

CG CADC mixer

2009-02-28T03:51:00.000-08:00

So just kind of got home a lil earlier.. probably about an hour ago from the CG CADC mixer event at Raffy's apartment. Oh I must say it was fun =] I'm glad that I actually went because I wasn't planning on going at all since I had work earlier. I'm really enjoying myself right now with everyone else. Got my mind off of things. It was an interesting night. I met a lot of chill people! They're all so friendly and nice hahahahahahha yeppppp. Don't want to get to detail but all I gotta say is that.. it was interesting seeing some of them drunk hahahaha entertaining and funny =] I love it! Now I'm looking forward to a long day tomorrow or I should say later on! CG Workshops, chill after, and head to Anaheim ice rink for our CG GRV mixer! I'm excited to play broomball! I'm bringing my A Game, hopefully. hehe! We'll beat them this time! ahhh I can already feel it.. and I know it actually.. so many events, I'm really excited for UG's new gen and my first year on CG. We'll make the best out of it =] I hope it stays like this. I need this. Its almost 4am.. gooooooooodfckingnight!

whatever happens happens

2009-02-27T00:51:00.000-08:00

I'm so sore from dancing.. but I needed it today, to get my mind off of things especially the situation that's been happening these past few days. I don't know what to do anymore and I am frustrated, sad, mad, confused. blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Just when you think things seem to be going right.. something comes up and fucks it all up. Now its like I'm waiting either to be happy or to get hurt. FUCK MY LIFE! I hate what's going on. I guess all I can say right now is.. I'll wait and see how this will turn out and I'll just take it from there. Here I am preparing myself again. Its on repeat..over and over and over again.

"if only when you think of your past love you may view it as a failure. but when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher. in the game of love, it doesn't really matter who won or lost. what's important is you know when to hold on and when to let go. you know you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if their happiness means that you're not a part of it. everything happens for the best. if the person you love doesn't love you back, don't be afraid to love someone else again, for you'll never know unless you give it a try. you'll never truly love a person unless you risk for love itself. love strives in hurting. if you don't get hurt, you don't learn how to love. love doesn't hurt all the time. the hurting is still there to test you and help you grow. don't find love, let love find you. that's why its called falling in love because you don't force yourself to fall. you just fall. you cannot finish a book without closing it's chapters. if you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages. love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. it is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering, and growing. the greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. we loose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we love ourselves. to love is to risk rejection, to live is to risk dying, to hope is to risk failure. but risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. to reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self, to love is to risk not being loved in return. how to define love: fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but never keep the pain."

boredom

2009-02-11T13:28:00.001-08:00

I'm home with Anna and she's sleeping right now. I'm bored out of my mind. Just trying to kill time and figure out what to do today. la la la...

I've been happy lately =] that's all!

Time to wake Anna up!

Haha this is a pointless blog yay!